Quiet Rain

I Can't Stop Playing Games

2012-02-09T10:55:00.003-07:00

I like to car flirt. Yes, you read that right. I said I like to car flirt. Cars don't flirt, you say? My car does.

Car flirting can be done in different ways. If you know where a certain person parks on a regular basis, you can try to steal his spot. In a huge parking lot where that doesn't really work, car flirting can be accomplished simply by finding the car of choice and parking next to it. What is the purpose of car flirting? Well, I'm really lousy at flirting myself, so I let my car do it for me. Spirit, my car, is a lot more courageous than I am. Does anyone ever notice? I sincerely doubt it.

Thus said, it might surprise you to know that I don't typically remember people's cars. I still couldn't point out several cars belonging to my roommates. There has to be a huge motivation for me to learn to recognize your car on sight. If you happen to be extremely beyond attractive, that's motivation enough. (Although, in addition to that, I need to brush shoulder with your car enough times too).

Now comes my problem: when I'm parking in my parking lot, I only ever notice one other car. This car happens to belong to nice guy with a girlfriend. (I met his car before he got his girlfriend). Even though the owner is out of the picture, I can't help myself from continuing the game that I've created for myself. I still want to park next to this car. Is that bad? I mean, let's face it, it's not like he notices anyway. Besides, even though he might have a girlfriend, his car doesn't. Why can't our cars be friends?

You're judging me, aren't you.

Arise

2012-02-04T14:10:00.003-07:00

One Sunday morning, Facebook informed me that I should look at this youtube video. So I did. I decided I wanted to go to the mountains and see a sunrise. So I planned to hike the Y mountain to the top. Unfortunately, that's not possible. You see, somewhere it says the trail is closed from 11pm to5am. It takes three to four hours to get to the top. The sun rises around 7:30. Even if we started exactly at 5, the probability of success was small.

I invited over a hundred people on Facebook to go on this impossible hike. (That was before I knew it was impossible). Seventeen people replied they'd come. Twelve people clicked maybe. Over a hundred people did not respond. There were also those that respectfully declined.

The total number of impossible hike hikers was six.

We may not have made it to the top of the mountain, but we did make it beyond the top of the Y.

There may or may not have been one of us *cough cough* who didn't wear very good snow-hiking shoes. She may or may not have needed help coming down so as to not fall to her doom. This may or may not existing person might be forever grateful for that help since falling down a mountain on her birthday wasn't on her to-do list.

At least we all made it down in one piece.

Plan A or Plan B

2012-01-25T14:16:00.003-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about the song "When We Stand Together" by Nickelback. I've been trying to figure out how to save the world.

A while back I went to this lecture about communication problems. I don't remember everything, so I may twist what happened a bit. Anyway, we were offered two plans: Plan A and Plan B. If the majority of the people chose Plan A then everyone who chose Plan A would get $100 and everyone who chose Plan B would get $50. If the majority of people chose Plan B then everyone who had chosen Plan B would get $10. Those who chose Plan A would get nothing. Well, usually I'm pretty conservative, but I recognized that I wouldn't really get any money, so I chose Plan A. Our speaker was stunned. It was the first time that a group majority chose Plan A. (Go BYU)! He asked a few people why they chose what they chose. One guy chose Plan A under the assumption that everyone should recognize that if everyone did it we'd all win. One guy who chose Plan B said he did it to "Stick it to those who chose Plan A."

Let me tweak it now. What if Plan A would only win if everyone unanimously chose Plan A. It would only take one person to make everyone lose $100. Would you try to cut your losses by picking Plan B? Then, say you did choose Plan B, how would you react if you realized you were the only one to do so? Would you shout hurray because you made more money than everyone else? Or would you recognize that you just lost yourself $90 because of your lack of faith.

Which option is more Christlike? Nice guys finish last, right? So the Christian thing to do is that which puts the greater good above ourselves. What if the greater good could only be achieved by doing that which benefits us the most? If everyone put others first, we'd all come out on top. So nice guys don't have to finish last.

How would you feel towards the person who chose Plan B when you and everyone else chose Plan A? Anger? Pity? Sadness? What if everyone chose Plan B except for you? Now would you feel naive, stupid, and/or lonely? Does having faith in people make you naive and stupid?

"We must stand together

There's no giving in

Hand in hand forever

That's when we all win."

I know that I can't save the world, but I am determined to help as many people as I can. No one can force anyone to change, but we can love unconditionally. That's the best power of influence, and it's very contagious. When someone feels loved by others, it is easier for him/her to pass that love on. So let's all be selfish by putting others first.

We All Fall Down

2012-01-21T10:18:00.001-07:00

I love dreams. I understand that sometimes they don't mean anything. However, when I was in the MTC Elder Scott told us to pay attention to our dreams. I really liked my dream from last night, so I'm going to share it with you.

It was late, but I was having fun playing around. I was exploring a house. No one lived there, but there were secrets to find. All of a sudden I became really lethargic. It was hard for me to move. So I laid down on the floor. I wanted to go to sleep, but I was worried. No one knew where I was. This kind of tiredness was unnatural. I thought that I should call someone, but it was a little past midnight. I didn't feel like it would be right.

I realized that I wasn't too far away from home. I told myself I just had to get up and go down the stairs. If I could get close to my house then maybe everything would be okay. So with that thought, I picked myself up and started running. I exited the house and landed myself in the street where I became a lethargic mess once again. I laid down in the street because I didn't have the energy to move. I knew I was in a dangerous position now. If a car came, I would not be able to move.

Then my dad came to the door of our house because he was locking up. I called to him and he came. He picked me and took me to my room.

So here's the moral that I see: Sometimes we fall down and it's hard to get back up. We can convince ourselves that we can do it on our own. Then, sometimes we fall again. Our situation could become more dire than it was in the beginning. In the end, it feels really good to have someone who cares about you who can lift you up.

I love my parents. I am so grateful for them. I had a really good conversation with them last night. And yes, they did lift me up.

Don't Give Up

2012-01-11T21:20:00.002-07:00

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." We all go up and down, up and down. Today I went to the temple, mostly to reflect on some things. I thought about the many blessings I've had in my life. I can't tell you enough how reassuring it is to have a Heavenly Father that loves His children. No matter what comes my way, I know I can look to him. Anyway, I know we've all heard this before, but it became ever so clear to me that we always have a choice. I have been blessed time and time again, but if I want to be miserable, I can be.

Ooh, I have to share this thought. So I am a firm believer that sometimes the spirit will speak to me through music. For example, on a day that I was really frightened because I was driving in snow and my car wasn't moving how I wanted it to go, the words "Fear not, I am with you, Oh be not dismayed. For I am Thy God and will still give Thee aid," rang through my head. This happens to me quite a bit actually. When I need to feel loved, Josh Groban's "You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)," will often come to the forefront. Anyway, so I was walking to the temple seeking peace. As I was approaching the doors, Gollum's song came into my mind. "And you will weep when you face the end alone. You are lost, you can never go home." I started laughing. Apparently the devil's angels have learned how effective this tool is and have come to taunt me. Don't worry, it's usually pretty easy to tell when a devil is talking verses a messenger of light.

Anyway, sometimes we have trials. Life would be boring without them. Pain hurts. Emotional pain cuts deep. Regardless, we still have a choice. We can't choose what comes our way, but we can choose to keep moving forward. You don't have to have a major trial to lose footing. Nor do you have to have a clear road to keep walking.

In a week and two days I am going to take a test. My cousin asked me what I would do if I failed. My response: take it again. It's a lot of money, but this is a wall that I will pound my head on until it breaks. The words of my brother-in-law came into my mind. "If I pass then I will know that I did my best and I was blest. If I don't pass then I will know that I did my best and I was blest."

Some things in life are worth beating your head in order to get. Some things aren't.

This is a pep talk brought to you by one who really needs it.

Spilt Milk

2012-01-07T15:25:00.003-07:00

Imagine screaming about milk that spilt just after the earth shook. Other people's shelves are on the floor; but you're screaming about your spilt milk. It sounds ridiculous right? Get up and go to work. Go help put those shelves back together.

What if you didn't actually spill your milk? What if you're holding your glass of milk and someone tells you, "Oh, there's going to be an earthquake in two minutes. If you aren't careful, you could spill your milk." Are you allowed to fret then? They have told you one thing. In the back of your mind, though, you know that there is a possibility that your shelves could fall down too. Your whole world could shatter right in front of you. But it might not. Maybe you'll just spill some milk.

Everything could all turn out okay. The problem is that as you're holding your milk, you have no idea what the future holds. You can easily clean up milk, but what do you do if your whole house collapses? On the other hand, why stress yourself out if in the end you only spill milk? So relax, calm down, there's nothing wrong. Heavenly Father still loves us. Nothing can change that.

Its a Brand New Year

2012-01-01T19:27:00.002-07:00

I have New Year's Resolutions. They're in my journal. If you want to read them, sneak into my room when I'm sleeping and read that. Please don't actually. I wasn't really giving anyone permission.

Don't worry, they're nothing special or out of the too ordinary.

Christmas was good. I like being with family.

Do you want to know how much I drove? I drove from Provo to Tooele. Then on the return trip I drove from Modesto to Sacramento, then from Farmington to Provo. That's pretty much a total of four hours out of 24 hours in the car. People spoil me. And I take it. I think the boys that drove with me were pretty happy about getting a ride home though. Oh, I did drive around Modesto, but that doesn't count.

Picture time? I didn't take many pictures.

One day my sister pulled me aside to view the following.

Here we have a nice squishy pillow-type thing for my dog to sleep on. Yet she prefers the blanket right next to it. Odd.

Next we have my brother and my niece.

If she cried, by brother would do whatever that is he's doing. My niece would stop crying and look at him with that expression. Priceless! She looks so confused! Oh and I have the most adorable niece and nephew that ever walked the planet...well... at least my nephew is walking.

Welp, I'm out of pictures. Yeah, I know, I should take pictures more often. Happy New Year!

Comment: I read people's blogs, a lot of peoples. They will often say something like, "Does anyone read this?" or "No one is reading this anyway." or "To my few readers..." If that's you, HA! I read your blog! (Kidding). Today I was reading one of my friend's blog who is currently serving in Italy. She said, " I am blessed to have all you in my life - family, friends and internet creepers." I have a rough estimate of who reads my blogs. I usually just assume that no one else does. So if you're an internet creeper who is reading my blog - I bid you welcome. I do the same thing... I guess. I mean, I usually get people's blogs in legitimate ways such as from them or if they post in on facebook. If you post it on facebook that means you want me to read your blog, right? I guess before my mission I dabbled in the art of stalking, but I'm trying to keep it real these days.

There's not really a good point to this. I don't think I have any creepy readers...but I'd never know would I. I'd tell you to post a comment, but if you're creepily stalking me you wouldn't want to be noticed. But what's the point in that? If I never notice you than I never notice you and we can never be friends. How many people do you know who try to be friends with their creepy stalkers? Well, to be honest, I might have this altruistic view of people that states that no one is too creepy...except Zach from that one book. He was pretty creepy. People who kill their wives and children are pretty creepy. So if you are that then please don't leave a comment. I'd rather not know you exist. And then go see a psychiatrist please.

Welp, that turned into a longer comment than I meant. I'll blame it on sugar. Sugar is going to be my scapegoat from here on.

The Truth About FHE

2011-12-19T21:50:00.002-07:00

"I remember thinking when I was really young that everyone should have a place to go Monday nights for FHE." (FHE = family home evening). My dad practices what he preaches. When my sister was in high school, she made friends with a convert. She was the first person to become adopted into our family Monday nights. One day the missionaries asked us to give an investigator a ride to church. Through time she became a regular at our home for FHE. On a different day, a single lady moved into our ward and introduced herself in gospel doctrine. My dad felt inspired and asked if she would like to come to our house for FHE. She cried. Those are just a few examples of people. Being the youngest I watched siblings move out of house and head to college. Although the house could get pretty empty, it was always filled Monday nights.

Now my parents are the advocacy couple for the singles. Basically that means that now their calling is to have FHE with the singles every week. (What a perfect calling for them!)

At school I've heard a lot of people talk smack about FHEs in a singles ward. "We're not really family." "It's just another ploy to get us all married." "Blah blah blah!" Tonight was proof for me that that's just a load of mumble jumble. These singles come because they have nowhere else to go. They don't come to get married because most of them have already been married. And yet it's still important enough for them to come to FHE. I think we take things for granted more often than we should.

The Web We Call Dating

2011-12-12T21:26:00.002-07:00

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. They date.

Boy dumps girl. Girl is sad.

Boy meets girl2. He likes her. Girl2 likes him, but not as much. Girl2 holds boy’s hand and kisses boy2 behind his back. Then she marries boy3 who comes out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet.

Girl meets boy2. She slaps him because he’s a jerk.

Boy meets girl3. He likes her. She doesn’t like him. She turns him down.

Girl meets boy3. He’s married. She wonders how an ugly guy like him got such a hot wife.

Girl meets boy4. Boy4 has a broken heart. She tries to be his friend, but he pushes her away.

Boy4 meets girl3. They get married because their soul mates.

Boy meets girl4. He doesn’t understand her. He ignores her.

Girl meets boy5. He’s dating girl5. So she ignores him.

Girl6 is hiding in a corner wondering why no one notices her, which is stupid because she’s hiding in a corner. She should be doing jumping jacks on the field, but she was told once to never play on another girl’s field. She sometimes has a hard time figuring out which fields are taken. So she hides in a corner.

Boy6 meets girl6. He likes her but is too shy. She doesn’t notice him because he’s not in her immediate view.

Boy meets girl6. He thinks she stranger than girl4 but doesn’t ignore her. Girl6 falls for boy but boy just likes her as a friend.

Girl4 meets boy6 and decides she wants him no matter what it takes. So she starts dating boy7 to make him jealous. Boy6 doesn’t notice.

Girl7 tells boy5 to break up with his girlfriend and so he does. Girl5 is sad.

Girl7 and Boy5 hook up.

Boy2 sweeps Girl7 off her feet. She dumps boy5.

Boy5 looks at girl. She’s beautiful. He asks her out. She says yes. He asks her out again. She says yes. He asks her out again. She tells him no.

Boy6 talks to girl6. She doesn’t really pay attention because she’s still thinking about boy.

Boy meets girl5. They get married. Girl6 is sad.

Boy7 realizes that girl4 doesn’t really like him. He dumps her.

Girl8 believes in love at first sight. She tries to get boy2 to dump girl7. He tells her to go away. He marries girl7.

Girl4 meets boy5. Both are hesitant. They decide to take it slow.

Boy6 talks to girl6 again. She wants to be left alone.

Girl meets boy8. He’s charming. He also always seems to be surrounded by women wherever he goes. She doesn’t know how to get his attention.

Boy7 meets girl8. He thinks she’s cute.

Boy6 talks to girl6 again. She looks into his eyes this time.

Boy8 starts dating girl9. Girl wonders where girl9 came from.

Girl meets boy6. She asks him on a date.

And they all lived happily ever after.

“What?” you say. “But how does it end?”

Well my friends, that’s the point. When does it end? We’re all in this web of relationships trying to find someone amazing to marry and also trying not to be completely heartless while doing so. Some people cheat. Some people go through relationships. Some people hide without realizing their hiding. Some people attract the masses. Some people don’t. In the end we all have our own story.

None of these are specifically tied to any individuals, but the events themselves could be. People tend to be complicated.

It's finals week. That's my excuse for writing this. That's my excuse for brain-deading my head too.

An Overdramatic Rant Because I Feel Like Complaining

2011-12-09T12:30:00.003-07:00

It's finals week. I'm allowed to shout out frustrations even if they have nothing to do with finals.

There’s a photo going around facebook that makes me sick. The caption reads, "Modesty It is easier to ask women to dress like shapeless, sexless adolescents than to expect men to think and act like decent human beings."

This bugs me for oh so many reasons. For one, I don’t appreciate being called an adolescent just because my clothing isn’t PG-13 rated. I don’t like what this says about men or women. This basically is saying that the only reason we girls are modest is to keep the men in line. If that’s the reason you do it then I really pity you because that shows a lot of disrespect. Yes, it is important to help them out, but keeping their actions in check is their responsibility. Modesty is about respect. Do you respect yourself enough to show that in the way you dress? Or do you think of yourself as an object worth showing off? Is there more to you than just how you look in a bathing suit?

About men: are you crazy? Do you know how much men put up with in this world? And I’m talking about real men not vile animals that prey off of little girls. This world we live in is full of atrocious sites all around us. To think that we are somehow saving them by being modest is a little ridiculous. We’re not saving anyone. We can only refrain from adding to the carnage already out there. I really don’t like it when people try to battle it out with the sexes. There are tons of decent men. Those are the guys that I associate regularly with. Don't bash on them or I'll bash on you!

I hate the light this shows on modesty. It makes it sound like a drudgery that we women put up with because of the men. Well women, how would you feel if men walked around in linen cloths all the time? Exactly! Modesty isn’t some outlandish principle. It’s a way to dress showing respect. I personally feel more comfortable when I recognize that I’m fully clothed. Maybe I’m just weird. Seriously, though, it’s not like we’re asking a whole lot when we ask for there to be a little more material added to certain areas.

Have I mentioned the word “respect” yet? I remember listening in on a conversation like this.

Girl: Would you ever date a girl you saw wearing a bikini?

Guy: No, probably not.

Girl: Why? It’s her body. She should be allowed to dress as she wants. (Only she said it more eloquently and almost had me convinced.

Guy: Because if a girl wears a bikini that shows a lack of respect for herself. I want a girl who respects herself and the Lord.

Needless to say my respect for that guy skyrocketed. He has more respect for women than the women do for themselves. Eat that!

Okay, the over-dramatization might be a characteristic that I need more sleep.

Can I Go To Bed?

2011-12-08T21:34:00.002-07:00

My SAS code is due at midnight. I really don't want to stay in the library that long. I've been here a good while though. I feel like I take a step forward, then a step backward.

Are you tired of your GPA? Do you wish it were higher? Well, guess what, we've now come up with a formula to give you the GPA of your dreams. No one will be disappointed! How could they? If you use MY formula then you'll likely get a GPA over 100! Oh why is it that when I finally get my counting numbers correct people end up with a 118.29 GPA and 2218 credits? Somehow I think you'd get kicked out of BYU for having that many credits. Let me go stare at my those strange symbols one more time.

Make Up Your Mind!

2011-12-02T02:04:00.002-07:00

Okay, there are days when I feel utterly exhausted. I wake up and all I want to do is sleep more. I stumble into work thinking about the brain cells I am losing because I don't get enough sleep at night. It's not necessarily because I don't get to bed at a reasonable hour, it's just that I wake up super early so that I can go to work. So I should got to bed even earlier. I probably average something like 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night. That's not terrible. However, according to this article, that still might not be enough. Considering how people often tell me I look as exhausted as I feel, I believe the article when it tells me I'm not getting enough sleep.

So last night I was going to do something about it. I was gonna go to bed early. And I did! Hurray for me! So explain to me why I'm wide awake right now at 2 in the morning? Body - I was trying to get you more sleep! Why did you wake me up? Don't you want those extra hours? What do you want from me?

Personifying Thrifty’s

2011-11-29T18:06:00.001-07:00

You all know the song “Someone Like You” by Adele. I find the song bittersweet. We all know what it’s like to fall badly for someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. I think she handles herself with great poise being able to say, “I still want what’s best for you even if it didn’t work out between us. Eventually I’ll find someone else.” Still, there are times when you want to say, “I don’t want someone like you, I want YOU!” That’s hard. You’ll get over it. Anyway, my point is it’s a bittersweet song. I like it and hate it at the same time.

So I was driving in my car and that song came on the radio. And then I got out of my car because I had reached my destination which was Rite Aid. Why, you ask, was I at Rite Aid? Well, once upon a time I discovered that Thrifty’s is the only ice cream that has the flavor of chocolate malted crunch. If want more of the story, look here. Anyway, Rite Aid bought out Thrifty’s and to this moment I had not yet checked out the Rite Aid in Orem to see if it carried my “favorite” type of ice cream.

It failed. It has other, expensive ice cream, but nothing from Thrifty’s. (Thrifty’s is a cheaper brand of ice cream. Do you think I would have known about it if it were otherwise?) As I walked back to the car, I realized just how meaningful Adele’s song was for me at that moment. “Never mind I’ll find someone like you (Thrifty’s). I wish nothing but the best for you too (Indeed, I want you to keep thriving. You make me happy). Don’t forget me I beg (because I’ll be back to California to eat you). I remember you said (okay so you never actually talked to me). Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead (I’ll have to wait to get my ice cream and that definitely hurts).” You know, if other brands carried my flavor, I wouldn’t care about it so much. It’s kind of like how I loved root beer when I was in Italy, but now that I’m here I never drink it.

The Dresser Monster

2011-11-22T11:51:00.002-07:00

WARNING to all thieves: You will be sorely tempted by this post to make an easy five bucks. By resisting temptation you will become stronger and happier. By yielding to temptation you will become weaker and miserable. The choice is yours.

Once upon a time I noticed that there was a dollar sitting under my dresser. It was kind of on the half that could be attributed to my roommate's side. So I left it there supposing it was hers. A few days later, it was still there. A few days later, it was still there. A few days later...you get the gist.

One day I had a conversation with my roommate in which we both decided we had no idea whose money it was. I thought it would be great to use that money to go buy ice cream. Of course, I never did, so it continued to sit under the dresser.

Today my roommate leaves for St. George. (Try not to cry. Be strong. Hold on. She'll be back). Before leaving the apartment she asked if I had five ones to change for a five. I don't. She needed bus money. (I guess I scare her when I drive? Or maybe...eh, insert your own hypothesis here.) She scoured the room looking for ones but to no avail. I told her she should take the dollar under the dresser. She picked it up. Apparently it was two dollars which was exactly what she needed (I think). To appease the dresser monster she put a five to replace the two dollars. Or at least I'm assuming it was to appease the dresser monster. I'm not really sure what other motivation there could be to put a five dollar bill on the floor.

The Blessings of Trials

2011-11-18T10:54:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I got hit by a truck. (I love saying that.) Don't worry though, it really only shook me up and scratched my car. My car still works, I'm okay, and my roommate is okay. So we're all good!

I was talking to my dad and he said, "You know, you never want to get a phone call saying that a truck hit your daughter." It made me realize just how blessed I am. I mean, it was a big, huge, hunkin' truck, but it only scratched me. I was talking to my roommate about how spirit (the name of my car) protects me. She responded that the Lord protects her car. True. And he protects me too.

New Story:

Sometimes I feel guilty about writing other people's story in my blog. I'm going to write this story anyway because it puts a lot of things in perspective.

Once upon a time there was a sister missionary. She kept having problems and surgeries on her hip. When I talked to her last, she responded that she is now to be delayed because she won't be ready to leave out on time. That can be a trial.

Once upon a time there was a sister missionary in the same district as the above mentioned sister. She kept getting sick but they couldn't find out what was wrong with her. So they were going to send her home. The end. End of story. You're done. She didn't like that. She told them that there was another sister in her district who was on delay because of her hip. So they told her that she could stay a little longer.

Imagine being the first sister. You have this trial and you don't know why. Why must you suffer through this pain especially when you're trying to serve a mission? Well, obviously trials help us grow individually, but her trial was another sister's blessing. Her trial gave hope to the second.

Trials are blessings in disguise. I'll admit, the disguise can be pretty good sometimes.

I LOVE sister missionaries!

2011-11-12T10:40:00.002-07:00

Once upon a time I was giving an orientation to some sisters before service time. We typically like to get to know the sisters before we send them to go clean for us. (And then I usually forget them because I have a bad memory). On this occasion we happened upon a sister who was vegetarian. That really is irrelevant except it gave me motivation to remember who she was. Anyway, through the course of our orientation we mentioned the fact that they are not allowed to receive foods requiring refrigeration in the mail. If people tried to send them such stuff, they would lose their package. This one sister seemed upset by this and asked whether this was infringing on their rights. My response: "You give up a lot of rights when you become a missionary."

Later, as I thought about what she had said and what I had said, I realized that I had made that comment to the girl who believed in animal rights. I felt sick inside. This probably means we won't get along and service will be a struggle for her.

FALSE! She has become one of my favorite missionaries in the MTC. Whenever she sees us she gives us a warm smile. She commented about how my cousin and I are always so chirpy in the morning and how grateful she was for our good attitudes. First impressions can be soo wrong. I just want to shout out to the world that this sister IS a missionary. What I mean by that is she has the right attitude and it's evident in how she treats others. Oh, she makes me happy.

This story is brought to you by the happy feeling I get when I think of this sister.

Story two: So today I was talking to my service missionaries. One asked, "How has your week been." I cringed. Last night was not my happiest. "Well," I responded, "it was great up until the point when I failed a test." Of course there were a bunch of groans because people are good at mourning with you.

Then another sister piped up. "It's okay," she said, "Satan doesn't have a body, so he doesn't know what it feels like to be in the testing cener. And he doesn't know what it feels like to see your score on the screen."

"I'm writing that down," I responded. She smiled. "That has been our theme for today. 'Oh, it's cold outside! But it's okay because Satan doesn't know what it feels like!'"

I like that motto. There is still so much good in our lives especially if we rely on the Lord. Yesterday was awesome! I just wish it could have ended on a better note. I guess we're given the choice whether we'll let the bad things bring us down or if we'll let the good things lift us up.

11/11/11

2011-11-11T14:58:00.002-07:00

Happy Veteran's Day!

I feel a little guilty. I was so excited about 11/11/11 11:11 that I forgot today was Veteran's Day until I saw on facebook that lds.org posted something. Way to go lds.org.

Anyway, I should be studying for a test that I must take today, but I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't write what's in my head. So statistics, you must wait!

Okay, 11/11/11 11:11. It comes once in a lifetime. Twice if you don't believe in 23:11. (Or I guess twice for some who live over 100 years). I wanted to do something to celebrate this day. What better time could there be then 11:11? But what could I do? I got some interesting answers. The first people always suggested was, "Kiss a boy!" Right. Do you know who you're talking to? I also got a list of other things such as: sing a song, read a book, eat ice cream. That wasn't quite what I was looking for. The thought occurred to me that I could send out a bunch of text messages at 11:11 so that people could have the date ever imprinted on their phones. But I wanted something more epic. Plus, I don't have unlimited texting.

Then it hit me. Flashmob! Problem: would that even be possible to put together in a week? Who would do it with me? Most of the people I associate with had already said they would be busy at that time. If it were possible, it would have to be done by the Moores. So I sent a text to one of the infamous brothers. And thus started the planning.

The plan: group of about 20 people infiltrate the History of Creativity class in the Crabtree building and spread out. At 11:11 all our alarms go off. Then we put our stuff away and leave the class. If anyone asks,we respond, "I have to go make a wish!"

What actually happened? The professor was a substitute. He was talking about how people in today's time feel that the second coming is near. He mentioned "Left Behind" and the movie "2012." "Any other examples?" he asked. Ten seconds before our alarms would go off a kid rose his hand and said, "It's 11:11!" There came a chorus of "not yet!" from some people in the class who really were counting down. Then everyone started clapping. It lessened the effect of the alarms going off. However, we made an impression as we all got up and left. There were tons of "What's going on? Why are people leaving" and someone else responded, "Flashmob." I was one of the last to leave. I heard the professor say to the class, "We're being left behind." That right there made it all worth it.

I figure most of the people who participated in this event don't read my blog, but in case any of you happen to see this post, here's a big huge THANK YOU for participating and helping and making me smile :) Thank you. Thank you.

The War on Sugar

2011-11-08T10:35:00.002-07:00

I've found a new scapegoat for when things go wrong in my life: sugar. Sugar makes me tired. Sugar makes me grumpy. Sugar makes me depressed. Sugar makes me lazy. So why do I still eat it? BECAUSE it calls to me. It promises me sweetness. It tells me all my fondest wishes will come true.

There is a war going on. It appears that sugar is winning. I keep saying I will be strong and resist...but then more candy shows up on my doorstep. Every day the sisters leave more candy on the sharing shelf at the MTC. My walls are broken and the sugar has invaded my bloodstream. Yes, it does appear that sugar is winning the war. Evil, malicious, delightsome sugar.

It's Not Over

2011-11-07T17:35:00.004-07:00

Have I ever told you about my getting my driver's license? The instructor tester person told me to switch lanes. Well, there were people in the other lane. So I waited. Then the lanes merged. What do I do? So I asked, "Does that count?" Her response, "You still haven't done it." She proceeded to give another command that pointed me in the direction of going back to the beginning. It was over. I failed. I started driving sloppily. Turn right. Then left. Then right. After a while I realized that if I had failed we'd already be back by now. I was still taking the test. So I decided to stop driving sloppily.

When we got back she admitted to almost failing me then. She then decided to give me another chance. I think you're allowed to miss 15 points and I missed 13 (stupid sloppy driving). Moral: the game's not over 'till it's over.

I'm taking a SAS class. Really, there are three SAS classes: 124,125, 224. 124 and 125 are block classes. We're told that if we did well on the 124 final our teacher will pay for us to take the REAL certification exam. I got 36 out of 50 on the 124 final. I guess that means I am definitely not gonna be invited. Meanwhile, 125 started up and 224 is rolling forward. Well, what do I care? I merely have to trudge along. I just need to pass, I don't care about my grade. (124 and 125 are both Pass/Fail if you want them to be. My 72% will turn nicely into a P).

Today I found out something interesting about the 124 final. It's graded out of 40. My 72% just turned into a 90%. Likewise, I'm invited to take the real exam. The game's not over. I can't slough off anymore. I have a chance to win.

On another note...I've been trying to plan something epic for 11/11/11 at 11:11 A.M. I think I have an idea. What's even better though is I have friends who will help me put this idea into being. More to come later.

Happy (Late) Halloween from the MTC

2011-11-05T10:08:00.002-06:00

Preface: BYU recently sent me a Y alert email encouraging me to watch "Shots Fired : When Lightning Strikes." So my mindset lately has been to always be prepared and be a little skeptical.

When I got to the MTC this morning, the first thing I noticed was that all the white doors in my building were closed. These are doors that automatically shut when the fire alarm goes off. Apparently they also automatically shut in other circumstances too. Well, I didn't let them keep me out. I opened the white door covering the elevator and was relieved to see that the elevator was in fact working.

In my travels I found that the doors leading the the third floor weren't working. You could swipe your card, the light would turn green, but the doors would not unlock. That's a problem. People need to be able to get into their rooms. So I decided I should call security. No one answered. Great. I looked at the time. It was just before 8. Perhaps I needed to call after 8?

I sent out my missionaries and got distracted with other things...like the elevator. It was open. On my floor. The elevator usually sits comfortable on the first floor. Also, the elevator and I have this strong relationship. It tries to crush me any chance it gets. So why is it staying open on my floor? I got in with some sisters to go down. After frantically pushing buttons it finally listened to us.

Eventually I remembered that I was supposed to call security. Again no one answered. So I called front desk. No one answered. Where is everyone? Did the world fall apart and someone forget to give me the memo? (Oh and the power was out on 2nd floor with rumors that the power was out in the cafeteria so breakfast was going to be interesting).

Don't worry, the elevator was still open on my floor. That's when I realized that the elevator problem was actually so simple that I had overlooked it. The light to go down was glowing red. As in it was still growing red even though the elevator was here. Somehow it had gotten jammed. So I fiddled with the button until it listened to me. Whew!

I called security again and left a message. Or at least I hoped I called security. The number I dialed and the number that showed up on the screen were different numbers. Odd. Was I directed to someone's cell phone? I decided to call front desk again. Guess what. Someone answered! So it's not the end of the world. Apparently there was a power outage last night and people are trying to get stuff fixed all over the MTC. The end.

Go Away You Creep

2011-10-31T20:17:00.002-06:00

Some people are thin. Some people are not. Some people are ninjas. Some people can't help but notice the floor creeks every time they walk around. Some people like to hide. Some people feel like they can't hide because they stick out wherever they go.

I feel like the word creepy has entered my vocabulary too much lately. It starts out as a joke. "Don't worry, I'm just creepily watching you," I say to my roommate facetiously. However, the more that vile word comes out of my mouth the more I start feeling like a creep. "Now I'm going to go creepily stalk someone." Stalking is another of those words that come out of my mouth too much.

Now I am well aware of the fact that most people probably don't think of me as creepy. Or at least I don't think people do. There's just something about repetition that gets in the brain. I want it to stop. I don't want to be creepy anymore. So, to combat this repulsive feeling, I've decided I'm going to put on a different word. Enigmatic. "Don't worry, I'm just enigmatically watching you." Exactly! The phrase doesn't make sense which means the word enigmatically fits perfectly!

So say goodbye to Rie the Creep and say hello to Rie the Enigma.

Everyone's an enigma. I'm not trying to say I'm especially puzzling. I'm just trying to get away from this rotten feeling that's trying to overcome me. I'm above this!

By the way, Happy Halloween.

Blogger Stats

2011-10-25T19:06:00.003-06:00

I'm obviously not doing homework. One day I'll be a better student. Hmm, or maybe not. I guess chances are good that I will graduate in much the same condition I am right now. Anyway, not important.

So, every once in a while (all the time) I will do useless things online in order to avoid doing homework. One such thing would be to get on blogger and check out my blogger stats. It still kind of amuses me that my blog is referenced on the Mormon Mission World website. I don't know how it got there. It obviously happened when I was on a mission, but I'm no longer on a mission.

Now, someone who is tech savvy should enlighten me because I am definitely puzzled at what I saw today. The referring site of the day was none other that Baby Gear Strollers. How on earth does someone look up strollers and wind up at my blog? Well, now they could because I'm posting about it; but before this post how did this happen?

After you're done explaining that, explain one more thing to me. So before my mission I signed up for google analytics on my blog. When I came back from my mission, blogger added blogger stats to dashboard. Basically they both tell me the same information (except they don't). As in they both tell me how many people visit my blog and where they are from. (Google analytics will tell me the actual city whereas blogger stat just tells me the country). Here's the question. Why does blogger stat tell me that four people visited my blog yesterday while analytics tells me that no one visited my blog yesterday? Are there ghosts that only stats picks up? Does it make it up to make me feel better. Stats: "Oh look how popular you are!" Analytics: "Nobody likes you. Your blog is a waste of space on the internet!" Who do I believe?

Also interesting, Analytics seems to think that Brazil likes my blog second to the US with only two other countries in competition. Stats doesn't mention Brazil at all, but it does mention eight other countries. Methinks both cannot be completely accurate.

Always Be Prepared

2011-10-18T10:22:00.003-06:00

If you were wondering why all the missionaries decided to leave the MTC campus at the same time, it was because we had a fire drill. My supervisor whispered to me that there would be a fire drill, so I got the impression that we weren't supposed to tell the missionaries.

Well, at the MTC missionaries have different schedules. We were supposed to have the fire drill last week, but it didn't happen. Last week my coworker cousin told the service assigned missionaries to go tell all the sisters in the bathrooms that we were closing them and they shouldn't take showers. I wish I was that tactful. No one was in the showers on the fourth floor. So I went to third. One bathroom was empty. The other had sisters who were just entering the showers. I told them now was not the best time. "Can we use the other bathroom." "No." "Can we use the fourth floor." "No." "Is there something wrong with the water." I cracked. "No but in ten minutes there will be a fire drill." Some decided to leave, others decided they could take a quick shower.

I went back to the fourth floor. My supervisor took my radio and gave it to Josh. I was a little taken aback by that. Then I went to find my cousin to determine which floor we would be in charge of. Because there were sisters showering on third, I got sent back there.

Well, when I went back to the shower that had had sisters, I was relieved to find they were all out. Whew, I can breathe. I then went to the other bathroom that had been empty. It wasn't empty anymore. "Sisters," there was urgency in my voice. "Now would be a great time to get out of the showers." Silence. "Please!" I didn't really know what to say. "Okay," came a confused, probably slightly irritated voice. Five seconds later the alarm went off.

I started my task of knocking on doors. If people were in them, I instructed them as to where the meeting spot was. I circled the entire floor, swept the bathrooms, and finished at the door of the sisters who had previously been in the showers (I found there room as I was circling, but they obviously weren't dressed yet). As they were the last ones on my floor, I waited for them. As we were heading down the stairs, we saw that there were some elders running along the street in their towels. I think that made the sisters feel better that they weren't the only ones who had been caught in the shower.

Anyway, that was my excitement for the morning.

Hope

2011-10-15T12:51:00.002-06:00

The sun is shining! Sometimes it seems like when it rains, it pours. The same is true for blessings. There just seems to be moments in life that keep getting better as the day progresses.

Yesterday I left the testing center not feeling like a failure and I had a glimmer of hope that I really am cut out for my major. This morning I talked to my sister. We're going to hang out later today. Anyway, talking with her got me really excited for life. It's moments like these that I need to hang onto because I know the storm is approaching. Storms always come back, but we can be ready for them.

I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life. I'm grateful for the peace that comes when you've poured your whole heart out to Heavenly Father. I'm grateful for His love.

The sun is shining today. It's an outward visual of how my heart feels.

Facebook, Missions, Toilet

2011-10-15T05:20:00.002-06:00

Last night I went to an awesome Facebook party. Seriously. My hats go off to all those who planned it. Yes I said hats, as in plural, as in all of them. How many hats do I have? Here? Probably none. But the statement implies that if I had a hat it would go off to them.

There was only one downside to the party. My subconscious decided it didn't get enough facebook and it decided to pester me all night. You know those dreams where nothing happens but you find yourself thinking the same thing over and over again? Facebook, chatting, message, poke, Youtube, facebook, facebook, facebook. The words just kept flashing over and over again.

I did have one dream that was an actual dream worth telling. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure the topic everyone was speaking about was facebook, so it was still facebook related. Anway, last night I had the opportunity to think a lot about my mission. So in my dream an ex-missionary decided that everyone in the MTC needed popcorn. So he cooked enough popcorn for everyone and the floor. Yes the floor. As in there was popcorn all up and down the hallways of the MTC. And I got to clean it up. There was no popcorn last night. What does this mean?

Toilets. They're very useful. They are most useful when they are working correctly.

WARNING: if you are easily grossed out you are free to quit reading right now. Yes I said right now. Yes I know you're always free to quit reading at any time, but I am giving you special permission right now. (I might be writing this very early in the morning. My brain may not be working properly because it has only been thinking about Facebook all night).

Last night someone decided to leave a present in the toilet bowl. I shrugged it off and went to bed. People should learn to clean up their own messes. This morning it was still there. I decided I should probably fix it. So I pushed the handle to flush it. Oh, I get it, the handle's not working. Well, that doesn't stop me. So I did what any good girl would do and I took of the back part and flushed it with the chainy thingy. I was gonna fix it, but I think it's broken. So I guess I'll leave that for maintenance. Or I'll try again later if I feel like it. I'll scotch tape it! 'Cause that'll work.

Anyway, I really wanted to put up a sign that says, "If you can't flush it, don't use it." Yes, it's really early and I'm probably not thinking clearly. Thanks for joining me this bright and sunshiny morning even if the sun won't shine for a few more hours. Anyway, my main point in telling you this is because I don't want to become the resident toilet flusher. Please. Because by writing this on my blog, somehow the force will get involved and I'll be excused from that job.

Welp, I'm off to work. I hope I don't find popcorn everywhere.

Eyes

2011-10-13T12:24:00.005-06:00

"Ma'am, can you please describe what your attacker looked like." I hesitated. "He was tall...er than me." I scrunched my face. "It was dark, I don't remember." "Dark?" the police officer asked skeptically. "I thought you said this happened at noon." "Yes, he was dark. As in he had dark hair and dark clothes...or at least they weren't bright."

So a fear that I have is that one day I'm going to need to describe someone and I won't be able to. People ask me all the time, "What does he/she look like?" I never know what to say, so they try to prompt me. "What color of hair does this person have?" "Red, no blonde, no light brown. Maybe it was reddish." "Does this person have glasses?" "No," I respond when in fact that person does. "Is this person tall?" "Everyone is taller than me so yes."

The problem is that I don't notice things. It's not that I don't have the capacity, it's that frankly I just don't pay attention. Every once in a while when I'm walking along I will exercise my brain by noting what everyone I see is wearing. I've tried to make it habit, but it just doesn't stick.

The same thing is true for eyes. For the longest time I just never looked there. I mean I would look at people when they speak to me, but I wouldn't concentrate on their eyes. That's gonna change though because eyes are fascinating! So please don't get creeped out if I start staring you all in the eyes.

BYU Homecoming Parade

2011-10-08T12:14:00.006-06:00

I've been accused of not putting pictures up on my blog. It's true. I don't.

Today was the BYU homecoming parade. I do custodial work. That puts me as apart of Student Auxiliary Services. That's SAS for short. That is not to be confused with SAS the statistics program class that I am currently in. Yep, that's right, I've got the label SAS on me in two ways. Something is telling me I need to learn to be more sassy. Ahem. Back to the topic at hand. So about a month ago my boss asked us if we wanted to be in the parade. We said yes. Then half of us didn't show up. (Lame). Our float was based on the pioneers. And you want to see pictures.

This was our float.

This is me and my cousin Annie. We work together.

I didn't take many pictures of other floats. BYU Recycling had this animal that looked like it wanted to eat me. And it has a cool torch. So, here you go.

I pet a llama every chance I get. Notice the wannabe bonnet is trying to creep into my eyes and blind me. Also notice that the llama doesn't seem pleased with the idea of me petting him.

Letters to Missionaries

2011-10-04T10:18:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time I was roaming the 3rd floor hallway. To my astonishment I saw a mattress lying there. Well, mattresses should not be taken off their beds. So I opened a room and found that my guess was right and there was a mattress missing from that room. They were using the mattressless bed as storage for other things. Not wanting to move around their stuff, I promptly put a note on their door.

Dear Sisters,

You need to put the mattress back on the bed. It can't stay here. Thanks. ~17M custodial crew

The response:

It has a nasty stain and right to be replaced or cleaned. No one wants to use a mattress with a large mysterious and suspicious yellow stains. bui budul?

Thanks for you help!

My response:

Oh go cry me a river. Did you notice your call letters that said you were going to Bulgaria and Poland? The mattresses you will see there will be far worse. As for your rights: by becoming a missionary you gave up a lot of rights. You are missionaries. You can't afford to be picky. If I could I would gladly take this nice mattress and replace it with the one I'm currently sleeping on. Be grateful for what you have.

Okay, that's not even what I would have written. How about this:

Dear Sisters,

I don't think you understood. Either you put the mattress back on the bed under your terms or we will move your things off the bed so that we can put the mattress back in its spot. We don't have extra mattresses and these types of stains don't come out. Live with it.

Love, 17 M custodial crew

Really, though, my boss suggested we just switch out the mattress with an early arrival mattress. We make the beds for early arrivals so they will never see it anyway. I don't have to be unfeeling. I don't get to be jerk. Darn.

A Little Here, A Little There

2011-10-01T12:56:00.002-06:00

This has been a day for learning for me and the day's not half gone. As most (if not all) of you know, today was the first day of General Conference. On my mission I learned the value of coming to General Conference with a question. Our home teachers also challenged us to do so. So I did. None of the speakers answered it thus far, but as the choir was singing I realized I had my answer.

The great thing about life is that even though there are monumental occasions to learn from, there are also insignificant moments that can teach us as well. Before the conference started, I looked back at the last notes that I had written in my booklet. I really need to look over my notes more often and I discovered other treasures there that could help me if I applied them.

Completely unrelated to conference, an action of a friend sent me to go scouring my email for something. I haven't found it yet, but I found something else. I want to share it with you. At the beginning of 2007 a guy in my ward gave a talk in which he gave us a list of ten things we could do to get the most out of the ward. Here's the list:

1. Love notes

2. Home teaching/visiting teaching

3. Activities

4. Service

5. Invite

6. FHE

7. Never let anyone stand alone

8. Visit people

9. Know people’s names

10.Temple

I know I could definitely work on some of those. Part of me feels guilt that the things I'm committed to changing didn't come from General Conference. (Don't worry though, I still have three more sessions to go). The great thing is that the spirit of General Conference has put me in the right circumstance to be accepting of ways to change. Sometimes it doesn't matter who it is that tells us something as long as that something comes from God.

I'll probably post again soon about General Conference. The main message of this post was the little treasures that we can find when we're trying to do what's right. They don't always come in ways we expect, but that doesn't undermine their importance.

Feeling Better

2011-09-28T21:03:00.002-06:00

You know those days when you look forward to something and then when nothing happens you feel like you've been punched in the gut? So one day my "friend" saw me in such a condition and excitedly exclaimed, "I know what will make you feel better!"

Then she sunk down adding, "Oh no, I don't know what will make you feel better. Nothing will probably make you feel better."

You know, the brownies on the stove probably won't do the trick (seeing how I just passed up cheesecake because I ate too much for dinner). The complete switch from excitement to dejection raised my spirits.

Mostly For Me

2011-09-27T14:09:00.004-06:00

So once upon a time I wanted to sulk. After realizing that sulking wasn't helping me get my homework done, I decided to not sulk.

I can't explain how much I really loved President Uchtdorf's talk on Saturday. I feel like everyone in the world needs to hear this message.

The end.

I Am Not An Elephant

2011-09-24T15:14:00.003-06:00

You all have heard this idea before. You chain an elephant down when it is young. It struggles and struggles and it can't move. Then when it grows up, it "knows" that it can't fight the chain, so it follows without a fight despite the fact that it is now huge and could easily overpower the small chain.

Before heading to Italy, our teachers gave us three examples of what not to be. I can't remember the third, but the second is about flees (or at least I think it was flees). You put them in a jar and they will jump and jump and hit their heads. Then eventually you will stop hearing the thunking noises. You take off the lid and see that the flees are still jumping, but they are no longer jumping high enough to get out. They are still "trying", but they've learned that if they jump too hard they will hit their heads. So they don't jump as high. And they will never leave the jar.

The second story is irrelevant. I may be a flee, but I'm not an elephant. Or at least, I'm becoming aware of the fact that I don't have to be an elephant. I'm probably a flee. Half-heartedly trying is a lot easier than doing nothing and/or hitting your head. Don't worry, I don't bite. (That would be my roommate).

Never Give Up

2011-09-23T05:02:00.003-06:00

Usually I feel like it's not really my place to write other peoples' stories on my blog. I'm making an exception today because of my feelings behind the other person's story. (I think I may have even mentioned this story before).

So my cousin has a baby in the NICU basically meaning that baby has some real problems. I remember coming home one day, discouraged about my own problems, and I sat down to read up on people's blogs. I came across one from my cousin's wife informing us that there were a lot of problems with her pregnancy and we weren't sure that the baby would survive. Instantly my heart sank as I realized my problems were nothing in comparison. I felt the power of family bringing me into the circle of prayer as we all pleaded with our Heavenly Father for that baby's life.

Well time goes on. It gets really hard to pray for the same thing every day without turning into a vain repetition. Little Aaron was born, but the fight wasn't (isn't) over. The miracle baby goes up and down, flirting with the idea of getting sick and dying, and then deciding he really wants to live after all. The story sometimes seemed to drag on. We see more miracles, but little Aaron still seems to be in a rough spot.

These thoughts are a reflection to this post here. I can't help feeling a profound respect for my cousin and his wife. My economics professor a year ago told us, "Never give up: that's horrible advice. Know when to quit." While I think his advice is good, I don't think it applies to this circumstance right here. I love the message that my cousin and his wife are showing to their children. They are sacrificing everything they have for the possibility that their little boy can grow up. Likewise, they would sacrifice everything again for each of their children. That is the love of parents. That is the love of family. It echoes the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. He doesn't give up on us. He does whatever he can to bless us.

I thought about what the nurse told my cousin's wife about letting go. I think she's wrong. It's not the time to let go. Even though it's hard, I think my cousins are doing exactly what they should be doing. The battle for a life is battle worth fighting. If it so be that Aaron dies on his own, so be it. He is completely in Heavenly Father's hands. But if that day comes, my cousins will be able to look people in the eye and say they gave their all. They did their best. And if that day never comes, it will be a testimony that miracles do happen even when it seems impossible. "It's not over till it's over."

In our lives it's hard to know when it's time to give up. That's why I love this example. Sometimes it's okay to fight with everything we have. Sometimes it's better to not give up. Sometimes the prize is worth the journey.

A Glimmer of Hope

2011-09-21T21:00:00.003-06:00

So whenever a professor either says something profound or funny I write it down. Unfortunately a girl borrowed my notebook so I won't be able to quote it perfectly, but my stats professor said something I needed to hear today. So it went something like this, "You don't need to come here smart. You just need to learn the material." Do you know what this means? THIS MEANS I CAN DO THIS!

Post 400 Nineveh

2011-09-20T10:49:00.002-06:00

Post 300 was written a little over a year ago. So, this almost seems like I get my own New Year's Resolution based on my posting. Whoopty-do.

"Nineveh!" That was what my dad would say, pointing in the direction that he wanted me to go. Nineveh is the place that we are sometimes told to go, but we don't want to. Inside we know it is for a wise purpose that we go there, but something is holding us back. Oh let's be honest, when is it ever NOT fear that holds us back? Usually my dad would be pointing to my room informing me it was time to clean it. Oh, and my room is kind of a mess actually. Yikes!

Okay, in post 300 I mentioned my goal of getting my ham radio's license. Check! I guess I should now use it since I've got it though. I also said I didn't know what I'm majoring in. Now I do. We'll see if I can do it :) Goals for the next hundred posts? Graduate. I want to graduate one day. If I am not graduated by then, I need to stop posting on my blog as punishment. That's it. I'm done. Oh and I went to Nineveh and I did not get kicked out. The end.

Anxiety

2011-09-19T02:40:00.002-06:00

Tonight is not a good night for sleeping. Now, if you knew that my alarm clock was set for 2:30 in the morning, you wouldn't be too shocked reading the time stamped at the bottom of this post. If, however, you understand that I've already been up for over an hour, then you might be a little more surprised. I tend to not sleep well when I know that I have to wake up early. I decided to be less than productive on the weekend so I have to make up for it right now. And I suppose there are other reasons causing havoc to my being and not letting me sleep.

So why am I blogging instead of doing homework? I don't know. I felt like I've had a good morning thus far. Probably the real answer is that I dread doing homework so much that the prospect of writing a blog post just sounded wonderful.

Writing has a soothing power for me. I woke up to a ton of butterflies in my stomach telling me the world was ending. You'll notice the title is "Anxiety." I feel more relaxed now than I did when I started writing this post. I guess that now explains some of the random things that I write. It's not that I think they're particularly important to share with the world, it's just a way to calm myself. And my homework still awaits. Good morning world!

Guy Advice

2011-09-15T10:39:00.002-06:00

Today I asked my supervisor for guy advice. She just laughed. I started with, "You know that I'm not very good at flirting." "Boy isn't that the truth," she responded. (She had seen me go through a crush earlier this year. She told me that I needed to do more or that I would lose him. Guess what, I lost him).

I'm grateful for her counsel. I ask about guys and she turns it into a discussion about me and my personality (as well as personality defects). She sees me in a way I have never thought about. Yet as she spoke I recognized the truth in her words.

So the moral of this post is that I'm slightly wiser now. Hopefully I'll have a little more confidence to put things into practice. Lookout world, there's a whole new me that is only slightly different from the last one.

They That Be With Us

2011-09-13T15:49:00.002-06:00

Earlier today I had the opportunity to go to the temple. I had just sat down when I heard my name. I looked up to see a young lady who I didn't recognize.

Side note: A great flaw of mine is that I tend to not remember faces very well. I'm the kind of girl who will introduce myself to a person I think I don't know, hear his/her name, and realize that I've already spoken to this person. It can be awkward sometimes.

Anyway, the fact that I didn't recognize her must have shown on my face. "Do you remember me?" she asked. "Are you a missionary?" I asked. She smiled and nodded.

Later, I saw another young lady. I thought to myself, "She could be a missionary." Sure enough, two seconds later I saw another young lady who was probably her companion. I recognized her. And she waved to me.

As I was sitting there, I thought of the many sister missionaries I have met. With some I've shared my secret crushes. With others I shared the most traumatizing moments of my life. Some I have grown close to. Others I simply have met. I bet most of them have forgotten my name and/or forgotten about me entirely. That doesn't bother me though. In that moment when we were together we shared a bond of friendship - a friendship that I needed at that time.

In my Pearl of Great Price class yesterday we talked about angels. Our professor read us a quote insinuating that our loved ones who have passed on are constantly around us. We just don't see them. I had this overwhelming feeling of love surrounding me. I thought of the scripture from 2 Kings 6:16 "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them."

There have been things occupying my mind of late. (Honestly, when does anyone not have something on their mind of how they can improve?) I couldn't help feeling that there were tons of people alive and dead who were on my side. I have excellent roommates, honorary roommates, and friends. Beyond that I feel like I have a legion of ancestors cheering for those of us currently living. We may not know them and they may not not know us very well, but that doesn't matter. They all want us to be happy. (Could you imagine an ancient prophet hoping we failed? Of course not! They're on our side too!) So in the end, I concluded that that scripture is still true today. "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them."

And on that note, I'm ready again to face the day.

The Power of Grapes

2011-09-09T17:42:00.002-06:00

*I wrote this post last week but never published it. Due to some coercing from a roommate, I decided it was probably time to actually post this.*

In this world people like to ask favorite questions. What’s your favorite color? What’s your favorite book? Who’s your favorite singer? Most often I don’t really know what my favorite is. I can only answer, “White because it’s all of the colors,” or “Well the first book that comes to mind that I like is Wake Me When it’s Over by Robison Wells because it is the example of my perfect date.” (Note to reader: that was a joke.)

But guess what! I realized recently that there is something of which I do have a favorite! I have a favorite fruit! But the funny thing is, I didn’t realize until this last week that it was my favorite fruit. So I’m sorry to anyone if I ever told you my favorite fruit were apples. That is almost true, but I have been deceiving myself. My real favorite fruit are grapes.

Other than pie, if you hand me anything grape verses anything apple, I would choose the grape every time. Grape jolly rancher, grape juice, grape soda, grape skittles, grape air head, grape ice cream (okay, I’ve never seen grape ice cream but it would probably still win). One step further: if you handed me an apple or a few grapes, I would choose the grapes themselves. *Gasp*

So why do I eat more apples than grapes? That's a really good question. I'm not entirely sure how to answer that so I'm not going to.

Okay, one more reason why grapes beat out apples. It’s because grapes have the power to beat out chocolate. *Huge gasp* True. You offer me a snickers and an apple, I will choose the snickers. You offer me a snickers and some grapes, I will choose the grapes.

So now I’ve told you the key to my heart. The guy who brings me grapes instead of chocolates is the guy that…I don’t know…I mean I like chocolates too. I guess I’d look at him like he was a nerd. So take that as you will. Nerds can be very attractive.

Sometimes It Feels Good To Feel Loved

2011-09-06T22:15:00.002-06:00

Going on with my analogy from yesterday, today I felt like I was asking for another $100. (This $100 is different from the one that's currently floating in the wind). I figure I try to obey the commandments so it was okay to ask for. Well, I really felt like I got my $100. However, I looked at my blessings and struggled with the idea of paying tithing (ie giving back to the Lord). To stay within the analogy it was almost as though I found $10 lying on the ground. I feel like I've been blessed in every way imaginable. (I may have even found a couple of those floating dollars). I know this probably doesn't make sense and some of it is kind of personal. I just feel like jumping up and down and singing... except for the fact that it is 10:21 and I would rather go to bed.

I Can Breathe

2011-09-06T13:37:00.002-06:00

Do you remember me complaining about a book that was trying to destroy my soul from the inside out? Guess what! After all my ponderings I have finally come to the conclusion that it is the WRONG book. See, it was the book that my booklist announced, but it isn't the book we're using. If I had realized before the weekend, I could have saved $26. However, I'm not going to think of it like that. Instead I'm going to think of it as $103 that magically showed back up into my bank account.

Now if the next block they say I really did need that book, I'll cry. Maybe. Or laugh. Laughing is fun to do in these situations.

So, Mr. Blogger, please release me so that I can do my homework now that I know where I went wrong. Oh, but blogging is much more fun than doing homework. I said release me! Goodbye.

Three years ago two days ago and other thoughts

2011-09-05T16:14:00.003-06:00

September 3, 2008 I entered the MTC. Technically speaking the mission lasted a little more than exactly 18 months. Regardless, I can start saying that I've been home for as long as I was out on my mission. Weird.

Last night I almost had a melt down. More will follow if I allow stuff like facebook and blog posts to keep me from doing homework. So right after this post I will continue in reading this horrible book that should supposedly make sense and help me be a better person. Ugh. I take that back, I'm going to read something else and THEN I'm going to read the horrible book. Anyway, details details.

This morning I read in Abraham. Abraham 2:22 reads "...the Lord said unto me: Behold, Sarai, thy wife, is a very fair woman to look upon." For some reason that verse struck something in me. Well, we know that Heavenly Father loves all of his children and surely must think they are all beautiful. Still, to have that compliment in the scriptures is really cool. I guess it made me a bit more mindful that Heavenly Father really does know us and he knows how we react to other people. He's aware that some people find others attractive and some don't.

This past week I asked something of my Father in Heaven that I will liken to $100. I needed it. I begged for it. So he gave me $200. I stared at the gift. I then took $100 and threw away the other $100. Looking back I realize my mistake. I want the rest of the money, but it's too late. I don't know if begging my Father in Heaven will work a second time. I've already shown how ungrateful I can be.

Today I got to hang out with my sister and brother. That was a lot of fun. Now I need to immerse myself in homework so that I won't think about the wasted $100.

Secret Passageways

2011-08-31T10:54:00.002-06:00

Class ended. I said, "see ya later," to the guy sitting next to me. I left the classroom. I walked down a couple of hallways, making up my mind where I wanted to go as I was walking. All of a sudden the guy I had just said goodbye to was standing right in front of me talking to another guy.

Apparently there's another door to my classroom. It would probably be in my best interest to find out where it leads.

Ode to Katie Soh

2011-08-30T21:00:00.002-06:00

There once lived a girl named Katie Soh.
On a mission she desired to go.
And thus to Milan, Italy was she called.
I most definitely was not appalled.

And her first city became Livorno.
To everyone she met, she said, “Buon Giorno.”
One day she met my beloved friend,
And they became good friends to the end.

Then all of Italy learned her name.
The church itself gained great fame.
People knocked on her door to receive the lessons.
They felt free to ask her all their questions.

One by one they all desired baptism.
They continued to grow in love and in wisdom.
They will share the gospel with people they know.
And that is in gratitude of Katie Soh.

***

So tonight I went to a crepe party in honor of my friend who enters the MTC tomorrow. If you can't tell, I'm really excited for her.

Hey, Hello, Hi

2011-08-26T16:49:00.004-06:00

I'm the type of person who reacts to greetings. You say hi to me, I will say hi back. I will even pretend to know you when I say hi back. Then I feel awkward when I realize that I have no clue who you are.

So I was walking to campus and I heard, "Buon Giorno," from behind me. I whirled around quickly saying, "Buon Giorno!" in response. I got a brief glance at the passenger of a car before the car drove away. I figure when someone says "Buon Giorno" to me it means that they know who I am since not everyone walking down the street would appreciate the phrase. Unfortunately, the face of the passenger was less than familiar to me. And with my luck he's probably one of my readers and will now be offended that I have no clue who he was. Sorry. You should have slowed down so I could have studied your face a bit better.

Later, as I was walking home, I saw two ladies walking towards me. At first glance I didn't recognize either of them. Then I heard one of them say, "Hey!" I responded with, "Oh hi," thinking it was someone I knew. It wasn't. She wasn't talking to me either. Awkward.

On a better note, in between these two occurrences, I was able to chat it up a little with some friends from home. I started that conversation. So the moral of the story is I should start all the conversations I ever engage in. If you try to start a conversation with me I won't respond because I'll think I'm going crazy.

Real moral of the story: Pass-by greetings are the best because if something awkward happens the people are out of your life and you can just keep moving forward. (That is unless the passenger of the car really does know me and tracks me down in offense because of this blog post. Once again, I'm sorry. This time I'll blame my eyesight. I have terrible eyesight. Please don't hate me.)

Blessings

2011-08-22T11:17:00.002-06:00

Some days it seems that Heavenly Father looks down on us with a loving smile saying, "My Child, you didn't quite get that right. How about you try that again."

Other days you look around you and you feel like Heavenly Father is saying, "I want you to be happy. Look, I'm going to bless you in this way so that you don't have to fret about that anymore."

Some days, I suppose, we tend to glare up at the Heavens and not really listen to what He's saying. Despite our frustrated screams, He finds a way to bring a gentle arm around us and says, "It will all be okay."

Yesterday was a very interesting day for me. I know that's vague, but I'm going to leave it at that. Don't worry, I probably won't be able to contain myself from posting next week with some exciting news. Alas, you will have to wait until next Sunday.

"What! How Are You Ever Gonna Get Married?"

2011-08-20T17:29:00.002-06:00

Isn't it nice when you are having a conversation and someone blurts out, "What! How are you ever gonna get married?" It's a real pick me up sending sparkles all through out my body. You know, sparkles of glass slashing out my heart :)

Okay, so the sentiment is there, but the over exaggerated drama is just that, over exaggerated.

Back story: I went to hang out with a former roommate today. She asked if it were okay if her cousin came too. Yeah of course. She had a date later that night, so the topic turned to that. I decided to talk a little about my dating life. (Hmm, not dating life necessarily, but maybe flirting life is a better description) Something that I said warranted that comment. I guess I need to work on flirting a little better.

But do not despair. I learned a lot of things tonight. And, despite the outburst, a lot of what was said today actually raise my hopes.

I wish I could say something profound that I learned but I can't think of anything that fits. I feel like he could have given a lesson for education week because a lot of what he said were things I hadn't thought about but make sense. He talked about flirting, strategies, things to look out for, and just good stuff all around. So yeah, Dating 101 is course you can take through my former roommate's cousin ('s best friend's roommate's sister's boyfriend's roommate) if you're interested. He's awesome. And he's blunt.

Side note: He did apologize for the outburst.

It's Education Week

2011-08-18T18:46:00.005-06:00

Life is fun. You know that great feeling when the puzzle pieces fall into place and all of a sudden things make sense? It's absolutely wonderful.

Someone said something profound today. I'd tell you who said it, but I wasn't paying attention. It was in a lawyer class that I wasn't really paying attention to. Anyway, the message, "Average people with extraordinary energy are successful." (It was something like that). So basically it's not about being smarter than the rest. It's not about being better than the rest. It's about using all your energy to do something that you love.

Sometimes we fall down and we don't know why. It hurts, but oh does it feel good when you finally get it and realize what you did wrong.

Unfortunately I'm a creature of habit. So step 1: Realize your mistake - done. Step 2: Change so you don't make the same mistake again - fail. It's a good thing that there's not a time limit on perfection. Don't worry, once you finally master something, the next stumbling block will decide to hinder your progress. That's what makes life interesting.

Cleaning Checks

2011-08-12T10:42:00.003-06:00

A snake slithered in the grass. It hissed words of failure to us as we stood ready for battle. Magical creatures of all kinds stood ready to fight. We were few in comparison to our enemy. This was our last stand against the darkened creatures that were trying to take over our lives. The snake, an embodiment of evil itself, had only just manifested seconds ago to take control of the opposing army.

VROOM VROOM! I became aware that I was frozen in place by fear and that I was lying on my side. VROOM VROOM. Someone was vacuuming in the middle of the night. As much as I wanted to reach down and look at the time, I was still frozen in fear from the previous dream.

I Need to Learn Morse Code

2011-08-10T17:10:00.002-06:00

So, you know how occasionally muscles spasm. My hand was twitching earlier today. I decided that it was trying to tell me something. However, since I don't know morse code, I will never know what it was trying to tell me. The end. Except it's not the end because one day I will sit down and study morse code. "'Morgan, morgan, nur nicht heute,' sagen allen faulen leute." (Four years of high school German and that phrase is basically the only thing that has stayed with me. It means, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, not today,' says all lazy people.") Okay, now that I've shown my lazy bone, it's the end.

Where's Waldo

2011-08-07T19:18:00.003-06:00

Okay, I want you to find a person wearing a purple shirt. That's right. What do you mean you need more of a description? Purple shirt. That's what you're looking for. Come on, how hard could it be to find a person wearing a purple shirt?

So for the past little while I've been living the dream at my parents' house. No work. They feed me. All I do is play. And I guess I helped out occasionally. Really, I had a family reunion back home. We got these amazing purple shirts because we're part of an amazing family.

Friday: eat at home town buffet.

Saturday: played at the church.

Sunday: played at church :) and at my uncle's house.

Monday: played at the beach.

Tuesday: played at the temple. Oh wait, I guess we didn't really play there. Sorry. And then we ended at my uncle's.

Wednesday: played at my house and started messing up my room. (That's what you're supposed to do, right?) The family reunion officially ended on Tuesday.

I love my family. I'm grateful to be born of goodly parents who were also born of goodly parents. I'm grateful that the gospel is deeply woven into my and my family's lives. Words cannot express the joy they bring into my life. Oh, and guess what! Two of my cousins are moving into Stadium Terrace. I might be a little more than excited.

The Real Me

2011-07-18T13:23:00.009-06:00

Have you ever seen The Last Star Fighter? There is a machine that unmasks evil. When I first got my Mac I became obsessed with the program Photo Booth. Unfortunately, I've found that it holds the same property as the machine in The Last Star Fighter.

So I now confide in you, my blogging friends. Most of you think that I am a decent human being with a decent human face. Unfortunately you're wrong. I'm hideous. How hideous am I? Well, it depends on the day of the month. I have a wizard friend who gave me a magical face that I pretend to wear as my own. My computer program Photo Booth is too smart though. As I sit there and smile at the camera, the Photo Booth takes a picture of what I really am inside. See for yourself.

So now you know what I am. I'm a monster! Please don't chase after me with pitchforks. I don't want to eat anyone.

Crashing the Party

2011-07-15T16:45:00.003-06:00

For those of you who are seriously out of the loop (which I hope is no one) the last Harry Potter movie came out this morning at 12 am.

Wednesday a friend of mine said, "Aubry, we should do something tomorrow night." I suggested a movie at the dollar theater. She reacted with excitement at being at the theaters to see people dressed in costumes. Well, we'd be at the wrong theaters. So our plans changed from going a movie to checking out people's costumes as they wait in line to see Harry Potter. She also wanted to dress up. I have a zombie outfit that easily doubles as a dementor costume. So I was a dementor. She was Professor Trelawney.

We went to two different theaters and we took pictures with Lucius Malfoy, Dobby, Voldemort, a phoenix, Bellatrix, Snape, Rita Skeeter, and others. I'd show you these pictures but they are on my friend's camera. The only picture I have is the one of my hands below. Dementors don't really have hands, but I thought she did a good job making me look creepy.

Best Quote of the Day

2011-07-12T21:49:00.002-06:00

Mom (on the phone): My kids are all coming home.

Grandma (under her breath to me): Your goats are all coming home.

Word to the wise: don't call children "kids" in front of my grandma. Kids are goats. She will correct you every time.

The America I Believe In

2011-07-07T10:25:00.002-06:00

We recently celebrated the 4th of July. I got to watch Stadium of Fire, be with family, watch the parade, and participate in our own fireworks showing. America means a lot to me. Sometimes I can be eloquent, but I don't think this is one of my moments. So, bear with me.

Pride can be a dangerous thing. I'll admit to that. A lack of pride can be just as dangerous. I am proud to be an American. That doesn't mean I think I'm better than anyone else. I hope that everyone everywhere can be just as proud to be who they are. I think that as long as we are actively being the type of people we want to be then we can be proud of who we are. It's with that attitude that I love the 4th of July. We can celebrate what it means to stand for freedom. We can celebrate the nation that allowed for the Church of Jesus Christ to be restored.

This link leads to a snopes account stating that a man named Harold B Estes really sent a letter to the president. Honestly, I wouldn't even care if Harold Estes didn't exist. This letter echoes how I feel about America. And it echoes why I like to laugh and joke and say that as soon as Obama got elected I left the country. Unfortunately, when I came back he was still here.

Whodunnit?

2011-06-30T18:00:00.002-06:00

So I found this on youtube today. I wanted to share it. Go ahead, tell me I'm wasting my life. It's true.

My parents are driving into town today and my sister is moving to...Farmington? Well, she's moving to somewhere a lot closer to me than she was. I'll stop wasting away my life at some point.

Please enjoy.

The Advertisement I Would Love To Post

2011-06-27T13:48:00.003-06:00

Are you male, single, and looking for a relationship? I have the answer! Have a bunch of great conversations with ME, make me fall head over heals for you, and another girl will immediately come and sweep you off your feet. It's guaranteed to work, I promise. (Disclaimer: If I don't fall for you then there is no guarantee).

Why Don't People Make Sense?

2011-06-23T18:51:00.002-06:00

I don't really think of myself as a competitive person. If you want me to be competitive, put me on a team. I will sacrifice my all for the team. Leave me by myself and I will just drift along. (I'm thinking a subconscious version of this applies to my dating life as well. I never compete, so I lose).

Murphy's law says that for those offhand games that I want to impress someone I will fail miserably. For the days that I don't care, that's when I am triumphant.

So that's me. It's a pretty simple concept. I can't say that I understand other people's actions though. Why will people exhaust all their resources to insure that one guy won't win the game, and then force the championship upon myself? I didn't even want to win. I wanted the other guy to win. But behind my back they all decided that I won. Huh?

There is no moral to this story. I'm just scratching my head wondering what is going through people's minds.

They're MY Clothes Not YOURS!

2011-06-18T09:19:00.002-06:00

I don't think anyone would ever think poorly of me for choosing my clothes that I'm going to wear the night before. Not everyone does it, but it is by no means a looked down upon practice. Usually the chosen clothes spend the night outside of the comfortable drawers and either on a chair, or desk, or something else exposed to the elements. Such was the case for my chosen clothes last night.

Now imagine my surprise when I went to go get my clothes this morning and found an occupant already in them! Don't worry though, there was no competition. I wrestled my clothes free of the clutches of that dark and evil, little, brown spider. And now I'm wearing those clothes. I win.

Let that be a warning to all you little, brown spiders: if you mess with my clothes, you mess with me. And you don't want to mess with me.

Another Passionate Monologue

2011-06-08T15:23:00.002-06:00

I know, I know, every time I actually read my emails from the FRC I always come up with some overzealous cry about how the world should end right now. Well, here it goes again.

This is in response to this news thing right here. So, as I was listening to the debate I wondered how I felt about this. I wanted to look up the Supreme Court case mentioned but do you know how many Supreme Court cases come up when you type it in for 1968? I got tired of fruitlessly getting nowhere. So I decided to actually think about what I believe. What do I believe?

I don't believe that we should hand over all power to the government so that the government can decide what is good and what is bad for society. That's when you get our tax dollars paying for abortion and other stupid stuff.

So I thought about the situation on hand. Well, I definitely wouldn't want MY kids learning to shoot students and then learning that suicide is all fun and games. So, there you have it, parental advisory. However, I also wouldn't want my kids associating at school with other kids who happened to learn that shooting other students is fun and games. This has nothing to do with religion. This has to do with me feeling like my kids are safe. Of course, with more safety comes less liberty. How much liberty do we want to give up?

I think about what it says in the Book of Mormon when Mosiah is instituting judges. Mosiah 29:27 "And if the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity, then is the time that the judgements of God will come upon you; yea, then is the time he will visit you with great destruction even as he has hitherto visited this land." Well, in my opinion, any society that thinks it's okay to teach your kids to shoot at other kids is ready to have their entire society wiped out by the very kids that learned by them that it's okay to kill. For those of us who want our children to learn good principles, I say we find better forms of entertainment.

I wish we lived in a world where the majority of parents cared enough to pay attention to the games their children were playing. I wish that this game would fail, not because the government outlawed it, but because no one wanted to play it. I wish this wasn't even a debate, people just understood that it was morally wrong. People don't have morals anymore. They try too hard to be politically correct.

My brother said something profound a while back. He said, "These days, having standards is being rebellious." How true is that. And guess what, it's only going to get worse.

Sheepy Time

2011-05-31T20:41:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time I had pajama pants that had "Sheepy Time" written all over them with a bunch of sheep.

Earlier today I made the discovery that if you imagine yourself getting kidnapped you would fall asleep before the plot ever gets finalized and then you get fun dreams about going to Russia and converting your investigators. Unfortunately when I tried my new tactic a second time it didn't work and I actually did finish the plot. Don't worry, the kidnappers were arrested. I'll have to think of a new way to fall asleep.

Good: Talking to boys.

Bad: Rethinking conversations and analyzing what you should have done or said so much that you can't go to sleep.

You're probably wondering why I'm trying to go to bed before 9. I've been a little sick lately. I figured if I got a ton of sleep tonight I'd be able to survive a full 8 hours of work rather than the less than one hour of work I survived today. So I need to sleep.

Some of you might think I get awkwarded out when people touch me. It's worse than you thought. See, I really don't think of myself as getting awkwarded out. However, today I was full on grabbed by the shoulders and got shaken. The bad thing is that I didn't really realize what had happened until a minute later. I have no idea what my reaction was because it wasn't my reaction, I was concentrating on someone else. Now tell me that's not awkward. So instead of being awkwarded out, I just don't even notice when people touch me. Weird.

Hopefully now that this is out of my head I can go to sleep. Goodnight. Don't judge me. Please.

Il Gioco di Ender

2011-05-25T17:40:00.003-06:00

I think it was my freshman year of high school when I overheard one of my friends say, "Ender's Game is the best book ever." I put it on my list of books to read. If you know me, you know that means nothing.

On my mission, I had a nice conversation with an elder and about good books. Once again Ender's Game came back on my list of books to read.

Last Friday people were talking about spoiling endings. For some reason someone decided to spoil the ending of Ender's Game. That did it for me. I have to find that book NOW and read it before anyone else tries to spoil it further.

So I started my hunt in the library. We'll skip the part where I can't understand the library's way of organizing things. So I found the collection of books by Orson Scott Card. Sadly, there was no Ender's Game there. So I read through the titles again. My eyes stopped on a book that started with G. I read the title. Il Gioco di Ender. I gasped. Wait! That's The Game of Ender. Wait! I understood that! Wait! That book's in Italian! But I want it in English!

Then the nice guy at the desk helped me find the hidden copy of Ender's Game. Lucky me, I got to check them both out.

Live Clue at BYU

2011-05-21T09:20:00.003-06:00

Was it Mr. Green with the wrench in the Smithfield house? Or was is Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe in the Maeser building?

I don't usually like to write about dates on this blog. I'm making an exception in this case because I'm talking more about the game than the date.

Last night I played live clue. We came as dates. I was wearing blue, so I opted to be Mrs. Peacock. My date was Mr. Green because he likes Mr. Green. (Mr. Green has always been my favorite in the movie so I'm glad he was on my team). So, the people were the same, the weapons were the same, but instead of rooms we had to go to buildings. The buildings we had were the HFAC, library, JFSB, SWKT, Tanner, RB, Smithfield House, and the Maeser Building. Hmm, I'm obviously missing a building. I don't think we included the Wilk, but maybe we did. That's where our headquarters were.

So around campus we ran. We could only make a guess when we got to a building. We couldn't make two guesses in the same building so we were constantly running around. To make a guess we would call in to Mr or Mrs. Body and say "Mrs. White, candlestick, library." (Or in my case it would be "Mrs. White, candlestick, where are we again? Oh yeah, library" as I was panting). Then Mr. or Mrs. Body would tell us one thing that was wrong. They switched it up between what they would tell us so they wouldn't always tell us a person or weapon. Then when you had them all correct, you win.

The first game we won. The second game we didn't. Our defense: the first game we ran around a lot. The second game we were only allowed to speed walk. I have short legs! (Okay, no one really buys that I guess because I do tend to walk fast).

I have to say that THAT was a really fun game.

A Second Wave of Hope

2011-05-19T19:57:00.003-06:00

As soon as I got home from my mission, I knew that I wanted to get my ham radio's license. Of course, I'm good at procrastinating. It's now been a year and I decided it was time to actually accomplish the goal. I set the deadline for myself to get it this month. I tricked my mind promising things that I couldn't promise if I got it this month. That gave me the urgency I needed to keep studying. The day of the ham exam came and I still hadn't finished the manual. So I finished it that day and proceeded to take the practice tests available online. On the ones I had already taken I was able to get barely passing scores. On the ones I hadn't taken yet I would get just under passing scores. The time came and I had to either go or not.

That's when I thought about a miracle baby who survived with only a sliver of hope. I know the comparison is a little lame. A baby's life is far more important than my ham license. However, it was that example that reminded me that slivers of hope are just enough to keep us going. So, certain that I would fail, I took the exam. Result: I'm pretty sure the test I took was custom made by Heavenly Father with all the questions that I knew the answers to.

I'm a ham now!

Oh, and today I decided that wishes on a star DO come true. Well, they do when you put effort in them to make them come true. It's a lot like missionary work. If you pray for success and then refrain from talking to anyone, you get nowhere. If you pray for success and then talk to everyone you see, eventually you will find that person in the crowd who is looking for the gospel. Simply wishing on the star is not enough. But if you don't wish on that star, you might not get the courage to talk to anyone. I guess better than wishing on a star would be offering a silent prayer in your heart. Or a non silent prayer. But, golly, don't take me so literally! Wishes come true! Deal with it!

Hope

2011-05-17T15:11:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time there was a loving father and mother who had four beautiful children. Then one day they found out they were going to have a fifth child. Then they found out that there were complications with this fifth child and the likelihood of his survival was very small. The parents decided to battle it out to the end. The unborn son decided that he, too, would battle it out to the end. Yesterday he was born. My heart is full of gratitude.

This isn't really my story to share. What is my story to share is my reaction to this miracle. In the world we live in today we battle against fear and the unknown. However, with faith in Jesus Christ we can know with a surety that no matter what happens, everything will end up all right. It's this hope that allows us to battle on and keep trying. It's this hope that allows us to put forth all our effort because the prize will be worth it. Even if we don't get what we thought we were battling for, the act of battling will make us stronger and more worthy of the ultimate end prize.

I am so grateful to be born into the family that I was born into. I am grateful the examples of faith and love that I have from every relative. The battle isn't quite over for the above mentioned family, but neither is their story. There is still hope.

When Do I Get To Answer

2011-05-13T14:58:00.002-06:00

So, I should probably start keeping a count between the number of dreams I have of Italy and the number of dreams I have of Russia. I had another dream about Russia last night. I did study abroad again and went back to St. Petersburg. Of course, BYU's study abroad no longer goes to St. Petes.

I know I mention dreams a lot. I don't think I have prophetic dreams like others in my family. However, I do feel like my dreams sometimes tell me stuff about myself. Then I just have to struggle to figure out what it is that I'm supposed to learn.

There was a CD that I always regretted not buying. I keep having dreams that I go back and buy the CD. Well, that's just silly. The person's music is online, I can listen to her whenever I want. Why is it that regret for something so small can tear at my subconscious?

Smile At Me

2011-05-11T14:09:00.000-06:00

Last night I was thinking about a lot of different things. Since I'm a girl, you can't blame me for thinking about different boys and their attributes. There are a lot of different types of people in this world. Some attributes are more important to me than others.

There are a couple of winning attributes. a) how does he treat other people b) how does he talk about other people when they aren't around c) how does he react when I start talking about missions etc. Well, look at the title. The thing I want to bring up is a person's smile. I love smiles. I fall for smiles. So, last night I was thinking of one individual who smiled at me every time he saw me. That wins! I want the guy that I'm with to actually enjoy being around me. Well, this individual has walked out of my life and I figured I would never see him again.

Recap: These are all thoughts I was having YESTERDAY. Ironically today I found out that there is a possibility that this individual mights step back into my life. I guess we'll see. It probably won't make a difference. But still, it would be nice to see his smiling face :)

Happy Mothers' Day

2011-05-08T09:47:00.002-06:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You all got gypped because I got the best mother in the world!

Listening to my sister's stories of her son has made me think a lot of what it takes to be a mom. I want to be a good mom one day. In fact, I want to be a mom like my own mom. There is a balance between good disciplining and letting the child's conscience reign. There is a balance between being in control and letting the child use their own agency. I don't know how, but my parents understood that balance pretty well.

I was reading one of my cousin's blogs the other week. I couldn't help think that it was obvious that she was a good mom because her children were great kids (and I don't mean goats). Now, people can be great despite their parents just as great parents can have kids that make bad decisions. No one is perfect. I quote my dad who quotes his mom who said, "You can make a lot of mistakes raising children as long as they know you love them." I am so grateful for my parents who taught me love.

I came across this youtube video from a friend's facebook wall. I think every mother needs to see it at least once. Then you can either cringe in terror, or listen to it over and over again like me so you can learn the words. Note: it probably isn't appropriate for Sunday, but it's appropriate for Mothers' Day and Mothers' Day is always on a Sunday.

Happy Mothers' Day!!

My Fairy Godmother and My Niece

2011-05-06T14:43:00.002-06:00

Today as I was cleaning bathroom trashcans on the ground, one of my favorite people walked by. She told me, "It's like you're Cinderella and your prince will come soon." It's pretty obvious why she's one of my favorite people.

This morning at 5:16 Rachel Leila Rader was born. Her brother was born the day after Christmas. She was born the day after cinco de mayo. I guess the Rader children like their holidays.

It's a beautiful day!

I Want to Brain-Dead My Head

2011-05-05T15:56:00.002-06:00

Have you ever done anything stupid? Have you ever done anything stupid despite the fact that you knew it was stupid while you were doing it? Has it ever come back to haunt you? Let's hope I have better luck :)

Or, if Heaven REALLY wanted to smile down at me, a gorgeous guy will walk up to me one day and say, "Hey, Aubry, I really want to (insert specific activity here). Do have any friends who happen to be going this specific weekend? Is it okay if I come along?" Why yes, of course you can.

If this doesn't make sense, that's okay. Reread the title.

The Little Orange Monster

2011-05-04T17:34:00.003-06:00

Once upon a time there was this couple that decided to hike the Y. The boy was excited that he could spend time with the girl. The girl was excited that she could show off to the boy that she was not a weakling. They set out at a quick pace. Soon they approached a slow-walker wearing a bright orange shirt. They passed her up easily because their pace was much quicker than hers.

Well, the girl soon realized that the Y is not an easy hike. It may be short, but it's also steep. Going up affects your lungs and legs. Going down affects your psyche. The happy couple came to a bend and decided to rest. To their astonishment, they saw the orange figure approaching. They assumed that the orange figure would interrupt their togetherness by stopping to take a break. It didn't. The little orange monster just kept climbing the mountain and passed them. The boy got annoyed. Now they would have to pass the orange figure again.

And so they did. They started off again and passed the orange monster without a sweat. Up, up and up they went to get to the Y. The girl got tired again and needed a break. "Of course," the boy said, wanting to be a gentleman. They looked at the view, drank some water, and looked at the path they had just walked. The boy's eyes widened. The orange monster was still there! She just kept coming. "Are you ready?" the boy prodded. "No!" the girl gasped, but she stood up anyway. They continued with their quick pace. The story goes on as such. The couple would stop to take a rest. Then the boy would urge the girl forward as he saw the orange figure coming closer.

They did eventually get so ahead of the monster that they stopped seeing her at breaks. Relief washed over them. And then they made it to the Y. Hurray! Of course there were tons of people there, so they weren't alone. But, as what happens, the people started to leave. Perfect, they could have a romantic moment alone on the Y. BIG GASP! Right when they were to be left alone, the orange monster came into view. Now they would have to share the Y with her! Or would they?

The orange monster stopped at the top, played with her phone, then turned around and walked away.

This did something to the boy's psyche. He nudged the girl and off they went down the mountain chasing the orange monster. Well, the monster apparently can move faster downhill than uphill. The couple didn't want to overexert themselves, but they were not catching up to the orange monster and passing her like they normally did...that is until the little orange monster ran into a girl from her mission and stopped to chat. The couple passed the monster and never saw her again.

Moral of the story: Always bring water when you hike the Y. Otherwise you'll have nothing to drink at stopping locations and your brain will start imagining other peoples' conversations that don't really happen.

Conquering Walls?

2011-05-02T20:33:00.004-06:00

Today is one of those days when I feel like I need to post something, but I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it.

I had a chance to talk with my supervisor today. Well, to be honest, I get a chance to talk to her a lot. But I guess this time was different because I talked on my lunch break so it was just me and her. She's going through a rough time, but this isn't a post about her. It's about me. See, I'm not really good at relationships. She is one of the people that pointed out that when I'm around a boy I like I disappear. I let other people take the stage. That's not how you impress people. She told me I needed to do more.

Well, I started to try and do more and a wall fell down in my path. Today in our conversation, I could feel her chipping at the stone in front of me. I'm not saying that my destination is the same. Well it is...but it's not. Golly wally, I'm stumbling over this metaphor.

Ahem. There are times in our lives when we eat ourselves to pieces thinking what might have been. Then there are times when we look around and think we're all alone. Also there are times when we see only darkness and we let our fears dictate our thoughts. My experience is that those nights bring the most sincere prayers which brings the most amount of peace. And then a few days or weeks later I forget all the good feelings and the cycle starts over again.

I guess my point is that I came out of my conversation with my supervisor feeling good. She made me feel like I could conquer the world as long as I was up to the challenge. Does that make sense? It's sounds kind of circular. "You can conquer the world as long as you are up to conquering the world." What I meant is: "You can conquer the world as long as you are willing to stand up and try." So, here I go. I'm going to go conquer my world. I feel as though I'm running out of time and I don't really know how to go about it. They say that Heavenly Father can only guide your steps as long as you're moving. So here I go.

By the way, I really like Hymn 244 Come Along, Come Along. It has little to do with this post, but it's a great song.

Insane?

2011-04-27T16:35:00.003-06:00

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Albert Einstein

My coworker announced today that he doesn't take power naps because he can never go to sleep for only a short time. If he goes to sleep, he will sleep for hours. I have discovered the same is quite true of myself. And yet I still tell myself that I will only be sleeping for 15 minutes. An hour and half later: here I am posting on my blog after having just woken up. Am I insane?

Sluggish

2011-04-26T05:41:00.002-06:00

Why is it that I can wake up at the same time two days in a row, but on one day I am late and the other day I am early? Seriously, why do I have time to post right now? What do I do for the next ten minutes? Why was I so sluggish yesterday? Is that just inherent with Monday mornings?

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T10:28:00.002-06:00

I think this is an awesome article about the importance of Easter. Happy Easter everyone!

Feeling Guilty, But Not Too Guilty

2011-04-22T11:28:00.002-06:00

Today is cleaning inspection. Everyone failed, as usual. Well, wrong, we don't usually fail. However, it's a usual thing for people to fail this cleaning check because this is the extreme cleaning check. Then there's the promise that if you fix things before the cleaners get there then we're all okay. So I set out to start cleaning shower heads. For whatever I walked into my room and found a girl from my ward sitting there. My own roommate moves out today, so I should be expecting a new one.

"Are you my roommate?" she asked.

"Are you moving in?" I countered with a question of my own.

"Yes."

"Then yes."

She looked around the room. "I'm just trying to figure out the set up. One thing that management doesn't know is that I have hermit crabs..." At first I thought that was some kind of disease. So I was going to be willing to help out in any way I can. "I think the best place to put a tank would be right here," she said pointing to the dresser in between our two beds, "but I don't know how you'd feel about a tank right here.

Things started to fall into place in my mind. A tank? She said hermit crabs. She means the animals. Management doesn't know. I like walking on the wild side, right? No! There's no telling how long I'd have to put up with this. She continued to tell me that they're not obnoxious and they don't smell. That's not what I care about. "I don't like breaking rules," I told. "If management doesn't know they're here, I don't want them here."

"Then I will leave," she said abruptly. I tried to counter that but she argued that no one wants the animals and she's not willing to kill them. I still didn't want her to kill them. So she walked out of my room and told my roommates that she wasn't moving in.

I don't mean to be a difficult roommate, but let's face it: if I didn't kick her out, the office would have. We are the model apartment (a fact that I wasn't thinking about at the time). People are in our apartment on a regular basis without our permission. The two other rooms have bunk beds, so Catherine especially shows off my room. We would have gotten caught eventually.

Anyway I really hope whoever does end up moving in believes in the honor code. I won't break the honor code. Sorry, not even to save a hermit crab's life. Actually, I'm not that sorry.

Good: Eating elephants

2011-04-19T18:24:00.002-06:00

Good: Waking up

Bad: Waking up to the dreaded day of the Math 314 final

Good: Going to work

Bad: Slacking off at work and getting in trouble with the boss

Good: Talking to a cute boy

Bad: Being flustered while talking to that cute boy

Good: Setting up an interview for my cousin

Bad: Not having time for lunch

Good: Studying and asking for help

Bad: Not studying enough and/or not understanding enough

Good: Taking a test

Bad: Failing a test

Good: blogging

Bad: blogging before eating. I'm really hungry. Goodbye.

Changing

2011-04-17T11:00:00.004-06:00

So I posted something this morning, but I feel like not having it be posted anymore. So poof, it's gone. Now I have to think of something to replace it.

Sometimes I wonder how Heavenly Father really feels. You know when a little child says something he shouldn't, but it's just so funny you have to laugh? I sometimes wonder what kind of sense of humor Heavenly Father has. Especially when it comes to his children trying to woo his other children.

I also wonder sometimes if he is more upset at me than I realize. There I am, like a little child with flour all over my hands and clothes, staring up and smiling. Is He instead trying hard not to lash out at me because I just ruined the plans he laid out in front of me?

I know Heavenly Father loves us. I know His love in unconditional. I know that He will do anything in His power to get back a wayward son or daughter. Because of that love, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's easier to love people when you see them as Heavenly Father sees them. (Okay, none of us are Heavenly Father, so technically that's an impossible task, but you can come close to imagining). The problem is that when someone is maliciously trying to hurt you and you've never heard a kind work from him/her, it's rather hard to see him/her as a child of God.

I do hope that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor. I hope he laughs more often than he glares. Either way, it's nice to know that we are loved.

Not Quite Atruistic

2011-04-11T20:52:00.002-06:00

Really, I'm blogging right now because I don't want to do homework. Normally it's not a problem. I don't want to do it? Okay, I'll go to bed. But this time I told my group that I'd do my part so that they can have it for tomorrow. When others are counting on me, I have to be a little better.

That wasn't important to this post.

So the other day I said Hi to this guy. That's my usual response. If I see you, I will say Hi. I won't usually say your name. It will either be a "Hi," or a "Hey" or a "Hello." That's really all I got in me.

Most people, however, respond with more than just a "Hi." They add a "Hey how are you?" Now I realize that in this world we live in, people say those words without thinking. Well, I don't think either, but my brain is on "Take everything literal" mode. It's also on the "Pretend to reciprocate feelings" mode. Thus, you ask me "How are you?" and I respond, "Great, how are you." I don't think, it just comes out.

So, back to the other day. I said "Hi." He said, "Hey Aubry, how are you." "Great, how are you?" Without even thinking, my walk slowed. Even though by this time I had passed him, my brain recognized that I had asked a question and thus needed to wait for the answer. He continued on his path without thinking, mentioned something to the girl he was with, then noticed that I still had my attention on him. "Great," he said, a little confused. And then I walked away.

Now that's a lot of words to tell a meaningless story. However, I learned something about myself. I didn't really care how he was doing, but in my head I still needed the answer. I need closure. So if I ask you how you're doing...well...okay starting over. If I ask you how you're doing before you ask me, that means I really care and am focused. If I ask you how you're doing after you've asked me, that means I don't care, but you should tell me anyway or my brain might explode because I won't be able to move on with the rest of life.

Okay false, sometimes I do care even if I ask second. And I guess I won't really explode.

Human Nature

2011-04-08T16:19:00.003-06:00

Warning: This post isn't really pertinent to anything.

Warning number two: I'm going to make a generalization. Generalizations are always dangerous and untrue. I'm going to do it anyway.

I've been thinking a lot about people. Hollywood is getting more and more evil. Things that are wrong are being called right. However, there are still things that even Hollywood understands are good. It's not good to cheat in a relationship. It's not good to sacrifice your friends to get what you want. It's not good to just kill someone because you feel like it.

I'm not really talking about Hollywood. I came up to the conclusion about a week ago that people are basically good. They don't want to hurt others. No one wakes up in the morning thinking, "ooh, how can I crush my roommate today and make her the saddest creature on the planet." Usually something happens as a misunderstanding, emotions fly, and then those thoughts surface. (Note: I don't think I've ever had that thought even when emotions have flown, I'm just using it as an example).

Then yesterday I heard a story about a couple trying to adopt who got utterly played by the mother who supposedly was going to give them her child. This did not go along with my first theory, so I have to make a caveat. People are willing to hurt other people (without prior argument) if they do not know or recognize the person they are hurting.

Example: in high school one day there was a vending machine that broke. You put in a dollar, it would give you back the dollar and also allow you to grab whatever drink you wanted. Once this was realized, kids flocked to the machine to get their free drinks. Who are they hurting? Exactly, you don't see anyone. You're hurting a corporation. So what's the harm? Take what you can get because you can. That's the mentality I'm talking about. People will use this mentality to get ahead in life.

Of course, generalizations don't work. Criminals can see who they are hurting. Some people won't cross the street when the light is red because they believe in the law. In the end, people can choose to do good are evil. And this whole post doesn't really mean much.

I guess my point is that often times we get so steamed up by what other people do without recognizing that their intentions probably weren't bad. There is good in the world. There are people who care. There are also people who mess up. The worse thing we can do is to judge them. I don't mean judge what they're doing. That's okay. I mean putting labels on people. Do you know how hard it is to get out of a label? It's hard. There comes a point when it's easier to just be who everyone else thinks you are than to try to break free.

Now you're probably saying, "Aubry, no one's ever labeled you a jerk or criminal." No, but I've been labeled, "child, baby, someone who's too afraid to move." Believe me when I say it's hard to break free. Okay that rant went in a direction I didn't intend. Moral of the story: be a builder not a destroyer. Trust in other's good intentions.

Wrong Again

2011-04-03T18:10:00.002-06:00

I'm getting really frustrated with myself. I keep doing things thinking that I'm being inspired. Then I find out more information and realize everything I'm doing is wrong. And yet all these wrong actions are plaguing my mind. All throughout conference I've been thinking of three people over and over again. We're told that faith requires action. Well, I'm acting but nothing is coming of it.

Can I just scream? No, because no amount of screaming in silence will help me and I don't have the guts to scream in public.

Ah well tomorrow is a new day. I mean, how many times can a girl screw up? I'm bound to do something right, right?

Gloomy

2011-04-01T15:41:00.001-06:00

Sometimes the storm clouds win even when the sun is shining.

Kalood

2011-03-30T16:58:00.002-06:00

I'm not really sure what I'm endorsing here, but these guys were in the BYU business competition. So, yeah. I think this is a site that offers you coupons. How they make money...I'm not really sure. If you go here and sign up, I some how get credit?

The Year Mark

2011-03-26T19:37:00.002-06:00

A year ago today I got home late Friday night to a loving family who welcomed me back from my mission. Time is an interesting thing. As you approach something in the distance, you can think to yourself, "I'm not ready." But from the time you recognize that you're not ready to the point looming in the future, you get ready.

I wanted to stay fresh off my mission forever. I didn't want to reach the year mark. Here it is whether I like it or not. I don't feel fresh off the mission anymore though. I still think about my mission constantly, but I think that will happen throughout my life.

I got to celebrate my year mark by going to the Festival of Colors. That was fun. Welcome spring. I love life. I wish I could say that again but in this elaborate sentence that would convey how much I love life. Unfortunately, diction was never my strength. Communication was never my strength. That's okay, though, because I love life!

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

2011-03-19T16:02:00.002-06:00

So you know how when you're a kid you go through different phases and you never know what you want to be. Then you enter college and it's the same story. Well, I've been trying to decide on how I could best help the world. I'm still not entirely sure. However, I love what the Family Research Council does a lot. If I were to get involved with politics, I don't think there's a different organization I'd rather work with.

Evaluations

2011-03-17T13:21:00.003-06:00

Sometimes after a date (especially when I know nothing will come out of it anyway) I feel the urge to ask for an evaluation. If I could, I would ask questions like:

Did you have fun?

Do you enjoy talking to me?

Would you go on another date?

Did I talk too much?

Did I talk enough?

What are qualities that you are looking for in an Eternal Companion that you feel that I lack?

What signals did you think that I was sending?

How could I improve my dating skills and/or etiquette?

Unfortunately such an evaluation is not practical. No one wants to analyze a date like this. It just causes awkwardness.

What if I paid a guy to fill out this form? I can see the advertisement right now. "Free date night with girl. The only obligation is to fill out an evaluation sheet at the end." Can money take away awkwardness?

Kidnapped

2011-03-11T11:36:00.002-07:00

This morning, after my one class, I set out on my way home. It didn't take long before I ran into a girl in my ward. So I decided to chat it up. I should have run while I could.

Then a friend came up. "You're going to Russia," he said to me. My first thought: No, I don't have the money. "My class got cancelled today so I'm going with you." Then I understood.

"Noooo," I moaned, but to no avail.

Sometimes it's good when people push you to do things you should be doing. So today I went to Russia 202 for the second time. It was fun. It reminded me that I don't remember enough Russian to get by. I should study more.

Blessings

2011-03-10T17:42:00.004-07:00

Before this story can make sense, I need to tell you two things about me you may or may not know.

1. I have a skewed sense of timing. Sometimes I don't actually think things through with how long they will take.

2. I hate being late. I have been known to skip out on some things because I was more than ten minutes late.

So, at 11:30 this morning, I got a call from a friend (who will remain anonymous to protect her privacy) asking if I could take her to the Health Clinic. Normally I would be willing to give a ride. However, I had a class at 12. In my mind I couldn't see a way for me to be able to give her a ride and make it to class on time. (Please note the two points about myself). Luckily, there's a guy in my class who's also in my ward. (His name will remain anonymous just because). A little voice in my head said, "Aubry, if there was ever a day that you could skip class, today would be that day." So off I went to give my friend a ride to the health clinic.

When I got back, I realized that it was something like 11:48. I would be late to class, but it wouldn't be awful. I didn't have to skip class. I could do it. So, off I went. I didn't get far before I reached my roommate Savannah (who is the only person in this story who is not going to remain anonymous). "Aubry!" she said. "What time is your class?"

I offered a weak smile. "Twelve."

"Do you want a ride?"

"Would you? Could you?" is not what I said. But that was the general idea.

I was NOT late to class. In fact, I got there with time to spare. The moral of the story is that Heavenly Father looks after His children. He got His daughter to the Health Center and He got His other daughter to her class on time. In the end it's as if I did nothing. It's almost as if Savannah was the one who saved the day and I just somehow got caught in the middle.

And I have to say today was a REALLY good day...for me anyway :)

Random Happy Thought

2011-03-03T20:50:00.002-07:00

For my econ class, we are allowed to do homework in groups of four. We usually do our homework on Saturday and one of the guys in our group types it up on his computer. Then homework is due on Thursday. I put it out of my brain from Saturday to Thursday and always hope that the guy remembers to bring the homework.

This week he said he wouldn't be able to turn it in. So he would email it to another member of the group who would turn it in. So, this week I've thought about it a bit more than usual because we were out of routine. Before class started, I asked the substitute turner-inner if he had the homework. He responded positively and all is well.

I also hardly ever check my email before class because I wake up and go right to work. Sometimes I get to a computer before class, most of the time I don't. When I finally got around to checking my email, I discovered I had an email from our substitute turner-inner informing us the homework was done. So I had nagged him for no reason. Ah, but then I read the last line of the email. "Aubry, please remind me to actually turn it in." See, that's why I nag people. I'm psychic and know that's their desire even if I never get around to reading the email.

Institute Wins Again

2011-03-02T10:19:00.002-07:00

Last week's institute was the inspiration to my post two posts ago called "Still Learning." And now Institute wins again.

I've had a question going on in my head a while now from my mission. The question relates faith and the Priesthood. It's interesting, the brethren in our church get more lessons in church about the Priesthood than the women do. That's natural. They're the ones that hold the Priesthood. In Sunday School growing up, I was used to having all of the answers. Yesterday I was reminded that I'm no longer twelve years old and there's still a lot of things I don't know. I got to learn things I had never heard before and it answered some questions from my mission.

So, this post is basically just bearing my testimony of institute. These last two weeks have really been a help to me.

Repent All Ye

2011-02-26T16:56:00.003-07:00

Okay, so this post is in response to a conversation I had earlier today. None of you need to care, but I'm going to defend my point of view. I kind of felt like the enemy zealot.

Often times people look at me as though I'm naive because I am shocked when I hear about certain behaviors. Yes, I know that not everyone at BYU is a perfect little Mormon. Yes I know there are some stupid missionaries in the world who will do terrible things on their missions. Yes I know our cliche's aren't always right. That doesn't mean I have to accept them or act like it's nothing.

As is obvious, we were taught to study Preach My Gospel on the mission. In the MTC they tried to drill in our heads that we were supposed to teach people and not lessons. Unfortunately, people got that confused with rambling off on whatever came to your mind and don't worry if you ever get to the topics in the book. (That was a side note). My real concern is that we were also told to adjust our teaching methods for the type of people we were teaching. There were many rules in Preach My Gospel that I let slide because over the course of my mission I got the impression that we let those things slide in Italy. It's Italy, just try to keep a lesson down to an hour. We don't want to offend them, so we will let this or that slide. DO NOT OFFEND PEOPLE!!! (I still think I was right that one time, but I'm not gonna tell you the story because you'll all think I'm a monster).

Anyway, in my last transfer our zone leaders taught us "First Encounters of the Best Kind." I instantly had a testimony of it. It was everything in Preach My Gospel that we had been letting slide. It was a perfect way to teach people who we were and invite them to come unto Christ. I wish I knew it my whole mission. Mind you, it was perfect for Italy too. Other places know how to get the work done, but this could revolutionize my mission. I had awesome results using it too.

Back to my point. We have rules. Yeah, sure there are exceptions. However, if you go around thinking you're the exception, you're going about it all wrong. In the end, I spent my whole mission trying to figure out what exceptions I should let in and when to be 100% obedient. In the end, I realized that it was all handed to me in the beginning. There are no exceptions. We try to give 100% and then we plead for forgiveness when we fail.

I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. However, a good friend informed me that we always judge everyone around us. It's true. So let me be upset when I hear about people making dumb choices. Preach My Gospel says to be devastated when people don't do their commitments. As I'm not a missionary anymore, it's not my job to call people to repentance. It's also not my job to act like it's nothing and let them walk on the road that leads straight to hell.

So repent all ye! (And now I'm gonna get struck by lightning...even though it's snowing and I'm inside).

I'm not really trying to call anyone to repentance. I don't even know the people who are the object of my current criticisms. Really, I just want people to understand that it's okay to not accept behaviors that deviate from what the prophets tell us. It's okay to stand next to the prophet and trust him. There are good people who make stupid mistakes. That's okay. It doesn't prove that the prophets don't know what they're talking about. We shouldn't shun bad decision makers because guess what! We ALL make mistakes. It all boils down to that common phrase, "Love the sinner. Hate the sin."

And I think my rant is over.

Still Learning

2011-02-22T21:02:00.003-07:00

So you know when you have trials and you just want to shake your fist at the sky and shout "Why oh why!" Then you calmly tell yourself that there is a reason and you just have to wait. Then a year passes by and you still don't understand.

Well, a combination of today and yesterday has helped me solve one of the greatest mysteries from my mission.

A wise person in Sardegna once said, "Missions are tailored made." Missions are specifically designed to help you know how to grow. They show you your weaknesses so that you can become stronger. It's been over a year since I lived on Sardegna. I am still learning from that experience. And finally, some things are beginning to make sense.

Do you wanna know what's even cooler? The answer to the mystery solves other mysteries as well.

The Story

2011-02-17T11:12:00.002-07:00

Yesterday my coworker tried to give me junior mints. I'm not a huge fan. Somewhere amidst the conversation she challenged me to give the junior mints to a guy. That's easy enough. Then she added that it couldn't be just any guy. There had to be a story involved. I think what she wanted was for a guy to fall madly in love with me because I gave him the junior mints and we'd live happily ever after. Heh, yeah right.

Well, I went through my day forgetting about the junior mints. The end of the day approached and they were still in my backpack. Right before going to bed, a guy came to our apartment. He wasn't that excited about junior mints so I figured coming up with a story with him probably wouldn't work out. So I went to work with failure in mind.

Of course, the wheels in my head started turning. There were two requirements. 1) He had to be male. 2) There had to be a story worth telling. The story didn't have to be about romance and the guy didn't have to be eligible. It just so happens that I work with a lot of ineligible unromantic young men. Now, how to weave a story? I told a different coworker of my plight. He's the one who got all our service elders together to have a contest. In the end we decided on an arm wrestling contest. Elder Perry won. He got the junior mints. He also said he would share with the district.

It is a story, even if you can say it in one sentence. I gave it to the winner of an arm-wrestling competition among elders. My coworker approved. I'm not a failure.

I have homework due and I need to study for a test. Why am I blogging?

Two Thoughts

2011-02-16T17:06:00.002-07:00

Usually when I run into someone who I love, but I haven't seen in a long time, I take it as a sign that I am on the right path. If that's true, what does it mean when I run into someone that I'd rather avoid? Was I taking the wrong path? If so, why did I then run into some awesome person shortly thereafter? Obviously it means that to experience the good you have to go through some rough stages.

Oh, and what am I saying? I don't avoid anyone. I love everyone.

Thought 2: So I found myself listening to this person rambling off in Italian as quick as can be. I tried to respond. Little did this person know that I've been doing more with Russian than Italian lately (which is saying something since I haven't been doing much with Russian at all). I wanted to feel embarrassed when Russian popped out. However, he just kept on rambling. So either he doesn't listen to me or he thinks so highly of me that he didn't notice that I wasn't speaking Italian. People can be very interesting.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T20:52:00.002-07:00

Saturday I took my economics test. Logic would tell me that I will be lucky if I get 50%. School has a way of getting people exhausted and stressed.

Today I took my math test. I studied. However, I might have had the negative feeling that it didn't matter how much I studied. I was destined to fail. And I'm pretty sure I did.

Then I went to FHE. The lesson really impacted me. Our lesson included the story of Enoch. He questioned the Lord how he would be able to preach to people with his impediment. The Lord promised him strong words and through Enoch the City of Enoch was built.

True, Heavenly Father hasn't come down personally to talk with me and command me to do things. However, for a moment I felt the despair that Enoch must have felt when he was commanded to preach despite his inadequacies. That's where I'm at right now. The despair. I don't know what the future holds, but it won't be good unless I can walk in faith. Dwelling on the negative won't lift me up. It was by faith in the Lord that Enoch was able to perform miracles. Miracles can happen.

After FHE, I opened the letter that came in the mail for me. I literally hopped up and down when I saw what was inside. Paola wrote to me. She sent me the CD of Russian music that she had sent me in the summer. Misfortune sent the CD back to Italy. She also sent me two cards and a note - all in Russian. Lastly, she sent me a picture of her and her daughters. I couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day gift.

I'm happy!

Oh, and I have one awesome mom! I just thought I'd throw that out there. She had a hand in making today a good day too!

Russia is Calling

2011-02-10T19:58:00.002-07:00

Thursday is the day that the sisters who do service for me are the Russian speakers/learners.

Today I went to the math lab. I really should go more often. And I really should go for help. That's beside the point.

A guy from my study abroad was there. In previous posts, he has been named Vlad (back when I tried to bend over backwards to not put people's names on my blog). I told him how I had run into Dr. Bown. So far I have not gone to her class, but he suggested that I do. He also said he was going to Ukraine in the summer. I'm a little jealous.

Then later I ran into Dr. Bown. Well, I guess I was motionless, so we could say she ran passed me. We exchanged a few words in Russian. By that I mean she said a few words in Russian, had to translate, and I would respond with one-worders.

Lastly, my brain-dead deed of the day was to reread my blog posts from my study abroad.

Мне грустно, что я не говорю по-русский больше.

Easily Distracted

2011-02-07T16:22:00.002-07:00

One of my pet peeves is being interrupted when I'm talking. I'm pretty sure no one likes it. I don't know when it started, but I see myself allowing interruptions more regularly now. And by that I mean I will be listening to a person and then allow another person to intrude.

When I was younger, I got used to being of second importance. That sounds overly dramatic. I probably did have some sort of insecurity complex, but we all have those right? By second importance I mean letting someone with more urgent news cut in. I can remember clearly a time when a young women's leader asked me about school. I started to respond. This is one of those conversations that isn't really important for anyone's salvation and is definitely not urgent. Another young woman came up to talk to our leader. I paused to let the intruder in. The young women's leader looked directly at me and motioned for me to continue. I had her full attention and it wasn't even anything that I thought was important. Yet at that moment, I felt important.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like people shove me off on a regular basis. On the contrary, I think people hear me out more now than ever before. (I think I learned the importance of being heard on the mission). However, I will always remember that example. I want to make a resolution today to be more like that Young Women's leader. So, next time you're talking to me and I'm looking around, feel free to tap me on the shoulder to bring me back. Thanks.

Birthdays and Weddings

2011-02-06T17:04:00.002-07:00

The oldest cousin on my Bjarnason side got married yesterday. Everyone keeps trying to tell everyone else that he is in his 40s. I'm going to crush that rumor. He is not. So there!

Fortunately for me, he got married in Salt Lake, which means I got to go. I also have been fortunate enough to get to know and love his wife. On top of all this, he decided to get married the day after my birthday, which means he brought my family up to Utah to celebrate with me. It's the first birthday I've celebrated with my parents since high school.

It's been a fun weekend. I really should go into more detail, but I don't feel like it right now. I do want to quote my brother, though, because he makes me laugh. "You are interesting luck. Not good luck, but interesting." In other words, being around me makes interesting things happen. You know, I love my brother. Sometimes I look at myself and I just think I'm rather boring. If I truly am interesting luck, then good. People should be able to stand being around me. And as much as I know my brother's intentions are not as normal as one would hope, I am glad that he likes driving with me and being with me. I really love my family, every aunt, uncle, cousin, sibling, relative, all of them. I've truly been blessed!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

2011-02-03T19:22:00.002-07:00

Today Dr. Bown said hi to me. It always feels good when teachers remember who you are. Not only did she say hi to me, but she informed me that she teaches Russian 202 at 10am Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and I am allowed to sit in on the class. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

(If you have to turn your head sideways to recognize those as smiles, do so now).

Other note, for my last two birthdays, I have been fortunate to be around a native Russian speaker. However, neither of them were able to sing this song for me. Now youtube can do it.

Tonight and tomorrow my family are coming into town. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) I'm a little excited. Tomorrow is destined to be a great day!

Groundhog's Day

2011-02-02T15:35:00.002-07:00

Maybe I'm just out of the loop, but no one seems to be talking about the groundhog. If someone is going to mention the weather today, he/she is going to mention how cold it is.

Well, just in case anyone else was out of the loop, Punxsutawney Phil has predicted an early spring. I guess that shouldn't surprise anyone. I mean, an extremely cold day obviously signifies the end of winter. There's no sun!